Ravin714's Journal

ANOTHER DAY IN PARADISE Mood

Sunday, July 20, 2008 | A Venting story

I swear it has been 8 weeks since the 1st tragedy hit my family. I have stated before that I am SICK of being the ONLY ONE to take care of stuff and people. I am EXAHAUSTED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Can't people stop thinking about just themselves for just awhile and think that maybe, just maybe I need a break??? Well if they don't, I WILL!! I mean it! I have been so damn Co-Dependant ( take care of others BEFORE me since I was 4 years old ) that I even take care now of one that MADE FUN of my own Disorder when he was just fine. NOW he relys on me! I cook special meals, do special things as he needs them ( diet, blood sugar etc: ) and sometimes I want so bad to say " REMEMBER THE TIMES YOU MADE FUN OF ME ( with a FEMALE co worker ) AND TOLD ME YOU COULDN'T HELP ME "? " WELL GUESS WHAT, I DON'T GIVE A RIP, I NEED A BREAK AND I DO CARE ABOUT MY FELLOW HUMANS ( especially UNLIKE YOU my spouse!!!!!!! I am agry as hell, I am tired, I have had it, I am fed up,I want ME back NOW!!!!!!!!!!!! Am I selfish? I beat myself up all the times for these thoughts BUT, I am also Human and God gave me the ability to think, I can't help it if , I REMEMBER ALL THE CRAP YOU DID TO ME BACK THEN!!! I'm tired, I have FINALLY got to DEEP CLEAN my house today, I worked 13 hours straight doing it. Only by God's strength did I make it but, I DID IT!!! It is now time for ME I think. Only I can make that happen....Hope I can do it this time...I AM TIRED!!