maki's Journal

had our first contact hearing today! Only had half hour sleep and have been a nervous wreck all day! Took double my anti depressants just dont know how i gonna facehim am just so scared! When i got to the court i was met by my dv officer and she was lovely she calmed me down aswell as my mum! Then i got took into a side room by a cafcass officer! Omg!!! He totally scared me just everything about him was creepy! Al he did was try and persuade me to let my husband have contact with the kids!!!! I think he must have lost the plot i just sat there wondering if he had read the right notes! Then sat there questioning me about my religion and how does it effect the kids and does there dad have a problem with me changing religion! Well yes of course he does i told him that is why he told our son i am crazy and only asian people should be muslim!!!!!! And when my daughter started to become interested she wore a head scarf to his house and he ripped it off her head and tore it up!!!!!! She was only 6 at the time! So i would say he deffinatley has a problem with it and all because it isnt what he believes in!!!!! I managed to see a copy of the cafcass report and see what he ad been saying about me!!! OMG I am unstable because of mental health issues he says! I offer the kids no stability or continuity! He says but hang on a min if you hadnt been beating me, raping me and belittling me then i wouldnt have to move to get away from you or be depressed!!!!!! That is what i wanted to scream at him! Can you believe he even tried to approach me but spotted my mum and quickly went the other way aswell as my solicitor calling him and asking what he was doing! He was given a harasment warning and told to stay away from me and have no contact with me! I agreed to let him have indirect contact by letter and i am going to supervise this so if anything is said that shouldnt be the kids wont get the letters! He has been forwarned by my solicitor! Thewy asked me about telephone contact and i refused as before he was saying things to the kids to upset them! Finally we get into the court! And i am told tat i have until the second of june to prove that he has abused me!!!!!! I mean what the hell is that about! I have to prove he abused me!!!!!! I couldnt believe what i was hearing! How the hell am i supposed to remember dates an times and places of all the times he abused me in 15 years for god sake! I just want to cry right now!!!!!!! Seeing him was so hard but i didnt feel anything i was just numb from all the crap he was saying about me!!!!!!