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I can't even think of what I wanted to write. I've been sitting here for 10 minutes and realized scatterbrained was all it was. I can't think. My head feels like it could explode sometimes with all its supposed to deal with. Jeremy is like pac-man in my head all the time - consuming all my thoughts. Silly, huh? Every thought begins and ends the same. Jeremy - blah, blah - Jeremy. I make a left turn and there's Jeremy. Look up-Jeremy. I miss him so much. I'm okay, though.
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I'm okay today.
This really isn't a good night. Very negative right now. Alone in my loss-his loss. His life is over. What the hell is that? He was only 31. only. I am like a split personality - I cry and don't understand what it is about. I look at his picture and tell myself what is supposedly the truth. I'm not numb - i don't believe it. I DON'T BELIEVE IT. my first born child, my Jeremy. My Jeremy. My Jeremy Keith. Jeremy Can you just not think for a day just not have to deal with it for a minute or an hour. I needed to pull him out of the car and hold him to me. I needed to be there. I need to feel him not breathe to know its real. I need to hold him to know i can't make it better. I need to tell him bye and kiss his forehead. I didn't get that. I GOT A PHONE CALL. I saw his shell and kissed it. he wasn't there.
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OH honey I can hardly read this, My son died sitting in his car his friend found him the next morning.I got a phone call to. I struggle everyday with so much guilt that I wasn't with him I feel that I brought him into this world and was the first to hold him I should of been the last. I was suppose to protect him.I all to well know the feeling of alone even today I feel like everyone has moved on and I'm still in this dark hole by myself.I hate that you have to be in this club I hate it for all of us!!I will tell you this the friends here at DS are a great bunch some are new some have had several years,they gave me hope that just maybe I will see the light again.we will always grieve the loss of our children we just learn a new normal.this may sound crazy but there times I wish I could predict the future just to save a parent of the hell I now live in.huggin you tight,Peace & Love to you.Tammy
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I know what you mean. My mom died six months ago and I go through these times when I just can't think. Can' remember what I did an hour ago. And I am going to work Monday..........hope I come off as half way intelligent.....
nancy7161