if only...
if only i woke up today with my head already in the cloudsif only i could honestly say i love myself out loudif only today was different and not like …

is feeling Horrible
full time work and full time school. just too stressed, and in need of a break.
if only i woke up today with my head already in the cloudsif only i could honestly say i love myself out loudif only today was different and not like …
so i'm not sure if you're allowed to swear on this website, and if i get kicked off i'll take it as a sign. today was just …
so today was the first step. i guess you could say that. i really don't like how i have allowed my life to spin out of control. …
I started smoking when I turned 18. It was my birthday present to myself, give up my scholarship and start smoking. Brilliance at it's best. I deal with the stress from work which is in retail, school which is now full time, and depression that I've had since I was 13. Smoking has just always been there, but now it's making me sick. I have to stop.
So I started smoking at 18. One to two packs a day, helped me develop asthma. Then I started to notice my skin kept breaking out. I was diagnosed with eczema that first year. Since then my life has been hell. I've been given so many medications to treat the symptoms that I can't remember them all. I am now on Xolair injections and trying to quit smoking, since all my problems have stemmed from that. I hate my skin!
I really don't know if I technically ever had a problem. Okay I guess that is what one would call denial. I had a "tendency" to take pills, all the time. For me it was easiest to take otc medication, any kind of cough/cold medicine or benadryl. i'd make cocktails and sleep 18-20 hours a day. I stopped that almost three years ago, and haven't gone back. Problem is, I beginning to want to.