JulesHopeFaithLove11's Journal

I have been doing really well the last month....have managed to teach 2 days a week and actually sit and write up some notes to make my classes easier...and I went really well teaching a class of 10 adults when no one else could get there...I usually only teach a small group of 5 max....now I feel I could teach a class of 20. I have another class this Monday...dont know how I will go though with hardly any sleep for a week....

Here is why I havent had much sleep...........................

I help supervise a playgroup 2 days a week. This week I was on my own on one of the days, supervising 20 kids and about 9 parents.
all was going well, talked to one dad and he told me he had been coughing up blood for a few days, he had been to the hospital and they sent him home, they couldnt work out what was wrong...anyway, he seemed fine.
Then about half hour later while we were having morning tea he didnt look to well,...I asked him if he was ok and he said he thought his lungs were bleeding and he couldnt breath....within seconds he collapsed and I had to take charge of the situation.....someone called an ambulance while I rolled him on his side and made sure he was breathing...his partner came over...but she was to shocked to do anything....he remained going in and out of consiouseness for the next 15 minutes, while I tried talking to him and trying to let the other parents know it was over for the day, most went home, some stayed to help. I stayed calm the whole time, it was only after everyone had gone that the shock hit me and im still suffering and that was 4 days ago...I dont know why it has affected me so much and it really shouldnt.

Now as each day passes and I get less sleep each night, I am heading for rock bottom and I believe the only way out of this emotional torment is to self injure. I know it would be an instant relief, but Im trying to do the right thing and not do that....but I feel so bad and the urge  is so strong.

Please any suggestions...anything to help me through this would be greatly appreciated.