brittanymorgan's Journal

Five days ago I stopped taking my treatment drug.
3 months in and it'd worked so well and so quickly that my doctor told me I could stop taking it.
I can feel myself slipping again.
I'm scared. Not even of the depression right now, but of who I am in all of this.
I don't want to live life numb. Was I numb on the drugs? I sure didn't cry like I used to.
I don't want to be someone I'm not. Did the drugs make me who I really am, or did they turn me into an entirely different person?

Nothingness is bringing me to tears once more.
I feel empty and completely alone and there's no real reason in my life why.
I keep getting the thought to go to the bottle of what's left of my drugs, crush them up, and drink them down.
I don't want to hurt myself. I just... I want to disappear for a little bit.

I don't understand this! I have no one to relate to, nowhere to go with it.
How do you explain to someone a pain with no visable cause?

I don't want this to be a part of me anymore.