GrandmaDier's Journal

My daughter aborted my grandbaby Thursday. She called and told me on Friday. She knew that we would have adopted the baby if she didn't want to raise it. I believe in a womans right to choose, but I also think that if you know that the baby has someone that will love it and care for it then it is your responsibility to have that child. I am so torn as to how I am feling about all of this. I can't seem to stop crying and wishing she hadn't done it. I love my daughter and will always love her but I am not sure if I will ever be able to respect her. She keeps making bad choices and wanting us to fix it for her. I hope she realizes that this is not something that I can fix for her. This is something she will have to live with for the rest of her life. The sad thing is that is another thing that she has done that we will also have to live with for the rest of our lives.

She called my husband last night and asked him to bring our grandson to her for a few days. She said that she was really missing him and needed to spend some time with him. And that she was going to need some money to buy food and pay her phone bill because she couldn't work. He told her that she could come stay here a few days and she told him that she wasn't going to come here because J always wants you or mom. We don't have any papers so we have to let her have him when she wants to play at being mom. But I have made a decision. This is the last time that we are going to provide everything for J and give her money. I am going to tell her that if she wants him the least she could do is provide the things he will need. Maybe then she wont take him away from everything he knows and has come to rely on every time she feels like playing at mom. When he comes home from her or from his dads house we have to deal with nightmares and whining. After a couple of bad nights we get back into the rutine of things again. then ten days later it is time to start it all over agian. I want my grandson to know his parents but not at his expence. Am I to assume that he likes it with them when he has nightmares for two nights after he comes home? The only reason that we haven't tried to get custody of him is because his parents are very good at talking. They are good at making people believe that they are not such bad parents. They really dont look that bad to any one but us. I don't know how that is possible. Well I am going to try to enjoy the few days that I am going to have. I am going to try not to worry to much. I am going to continue to take each day as it comes. It is amazing how much just writing things down can make you feel better. I feel like a wieght has been lifted. I am still sad but I know that I will not be for ever.