ladybuglover369's Journal

My day. 

As days go this one wasn't bad. I got up, took my son out to the bus, came in and got my brother dressed and fed, then we headed out. We walked to the grocery store and did the shopping and took a taxi home. Then I worked until my son got off the bus, got him started on his homework and got back to work. I worked until six, got dinner done and then got the kids to bed. Easy..... If it were not for the other stuff mixed in. Oh, and my kitten died.

Be Less Depressed 

I don't even know how to put into words what I am thinking. My kitten died. I'm sad I'm not pregnant. I'm in a lot of physical pain today. My nightmares were really bad last night. My flashbacks interrupted my work twice today. Just seeing a name. It's so hard sometimes to understand myself. URGH!

Quitting Smoking 

I still can't seem to take that last step with smoking. I can't seem to get under three a day. I've come so close, but then the nightmares come, or I find another excuse.

Restoring my Friendships 

I feel like a failure when it comes to my friendships. My friends do not call or come by and I'm too much of a wimp to start things myself. Also a couple of really good people in our church are moving to Florida to retire and I can't make myself be happy for them because I don't want them to leave.  Knowing it's selfish doesn't stop it from being true.

Getting Pregnant this year

It just feels hopeless. i am seven days late for my period, but I took a test four days ago and it was negative. I know that if I do psych myself up to take another one it will just get my hopes up again and going based upon passed history I'll be in for a hard fall when it's over. I keep asking God to just make my period start if I'm not pregnant! I feel so hopeless.

Loosing Weight

I feel awful because my doctor says I'm at an unhealthy weight. I am fifty punds over what I should be and need to lose those fifty pounds. I feel ugly alot because of it, even though my husband says I'm beautiful.

Writing My Autobiography

This is something I've just decided to do as a new years resolution. I have felt since I was a child that I wasn't meant to have a long stay here, if you know what I mean. I thought a nice present for my family would be to leave an autobiography telling each of them just how much they meant to me.

Okay, I'm done updating everything now. Bye.