Sadness. Still silence from my …
Sadness. Still silence from my supposed partner in life. He came home from work (and it's a brand new job, and he's …
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I wanted to write today because I need to say a few things. I know others who have read my ramblings prob think I am nuts. Nuts to love a man who hurts me on almost a weekly basis. I know nothing else.
I know we need help and I am going to take those steps to do that, but I know it's no miracle cure. I know I am no angel here either. I hurt him too. I expect more than he's able. I expect he act in ways I know he cannot. I would never hurt him if I could help it. He pushes me both physically and mentally till I "pop". But I love him more than life, just as I love my kids as much. I want what is best for all. Sometimes I think they are better without me, but I know better than that. I just hate myself. I want them to love me for who I am without expecting what I cannot be or do.
I hate my body. I hate how it looks. When I make love to my husband I cover myself, it has to be dark, and the blinds have to be closed. I know I have an eating problem, and a self image problem. I want to "feel" good. I want to be proud of my body. I am taking over the counter ephedrine so I don't feel hungry. I want to eat a certain amount and not puke. So this is the only way. Now if I had the right foods. I plan to go shopping for me tonight. I hope I can make the change. All the changes...wish me luck!
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I wish you luck Amanda. I also want to say that it might help to look at YOU from the INSIDE! I just feel you are a beautiful person inside and as bad as you feel it is so hard to make yourself feel that way outward. I know! It sounds like there is so much abuse there,believe me, I understand how you feel, I have been there. Even though my life is farm from perfect I have taken advise from my sister & she said to me that it was "up to me" how I REACT to my husband. Sometimes it is harder than hell to be calm, but you can do it. Everytime he is mean and you react back like you said you do it gives him control over your feelings. Just thought I would pass on some information that made since to me.
Good luck & God bless you & your family
Cathy
CathyBlessedGranny
Ramble all you want. No one is judging you or your motives. We just love you and want what is best for you. If I give you advice it's only because I want to help you so much. You are a wonderful, hardworking, and very caring young woman. You deserve all the best things in life. Rest assured that I am listening so keep on writing.
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