UnbrokenAmanda's Journal

I am so upset. My husband is such a selfish jerk. ((can you swear?)) I got up this morining and he was making breakfast for himself, but no one else. He made himself waffles eggs and sausage. I told him since he was being so selfish that he could do his own dishes. They sat for an hour and I got pissed and threw them out. He got mad and shoved me. He shoved me and I slapped him in the face. He then grabbed my face and squeezed it for a few minutes while telling me something angrily. He pinched my back and shoved me into the garage then tried to force me to get the dishes out of the trash. I fought back and grabbed his shirt while he was holding me there. I tore it. He then shoved me and locked me out of the house till I got it. I was so angry. I feel sooooooo unappreciated. I do EVERYTHING! I had almost 2gs in the bank and since feb he has been broke. His truck is costing us soooooo much money, but he insists it's a good truck. BLAH BLAH BLAH. So I now have no savings. Jerk. I got a gift card in the mail and had to spend it on groceries, and it was MY mothers day present. I sacrifice everything for my family. I give it all. I have needed new underwear and bras for years, but NOOOOO. I was going to get that with my gift card. I may sound selfish but I don't go out with my friends drinking if I need to provide for my family. It's complete BS.

So back to what I am back to. I was angry about today I purged my breakfast and lunch. I ate a snack and I am going to purge it after this. Maybe if I was good looking my husband would want me for more than his house slave. Maybe he would look at me like he looks at those beautifly fake women on TV. I am so upset I don't care what purging does to me. Maybe then he'll notice me. Maybe then he'll get his butt off the couch and act like a husband and or father. Maybe he'll want to do stuff with us once in a while. I think sometimes his beer and his couch mean more to him than we do. Well I will show him.