krm's Journal

 One day my son came to see me. I wanted to go for a smoke. I was now wheeling my medication with me. My son said no, you don't need that. I was a ittle angry, but we did not go for that smoke. I'm not sure how or why but that was it for smoking. I never had another one. Life went on. I continued to get a little better each day. I'm not even sure how long I was in the hospital. The Doc came in one day to do my daily blood test. As he went over my blood test, everything was good. I was still very weak, but I asked him if I could go home. He was reluctant, but after some persuasion and him knowing my wife was a nurse, he decided to let me go. I put my clothes on, not even realizing that I stil had the intravines needles in my arm. My wife told me and went to see the nurse on duty. It seemed like forever for her to come back to remove them. Finally she came and removed them, then of course I had all kinds of papers to sign. Finally it was done and I was on my way home. After getting home, I spent most of my time in bed. Nurses came to the house to check my blood, I was all the way up to eating jello. My wife and daughter were after me constantly to drink power drinks and some stuff that was really awful. A week or so later it was time to venture outside for a little sun. I made it to the front yard and an anxious neigbour came running across the street and gave me a hug, telling me how worried she had been. I continue recovery to this day. If someone had told me that booze was going to put me and my family and friends through all this I never would have believed them. I pay for it every day with bad memories and regrets. I still screw up and it bothers me more now than it ever did. I am a changed man and I am constantly trying to find ways to survive in this new life. I don't know how to act without a bottle propping me up. Mental healing seems to be the longest thing to heal and I struggle with it every day. I'm on anti-depressants and other pills the Doctor thinks I need. My wife is very unhappy with it and I don't think I am myself anymore. Next step is to get off this medication.

 People don't have to go through all this if only they could realize what is in store for them. I would not wish this illness on anybody. It has caused the worse times of my life and I can only hope that one day it will all go away. I still have a lot of life left to live and I am so lucky and grateful that I still have my family. A lot of people don't. I just wish I could make this more understandable but this is the best I can do. If it helps one person it's worth it. If I knew it helped someone it would be more worth it. I really hope I hear  from somebody . I guess there are a lot more stories I could tell, but for now this is the main part of my drunken life. Don't try living it cause it's not worth it.