freespiritonce’s Profile

About Me

We found out that my husband was poz just about 3 months ago. The roller coaster still goes up and down, but our faith that God will see us through keeps us on track. We found out after my husband applied for a larger life ins. policy following the sudden death of a sibling. They denied him and when he asked the reason, they told him that he tested positive for HIV. He immediately went to his doctor feeling, with no doubt, that there was some mistake. But lo and behold, the test was positive. In tracing his brief relationship history (he was such an introvert and not big on dating), he believes that he must have contracted it from a woman he dated off and on for a couple of years prior to meeting me. She was divorced from an abusive marriage where her ex-husband cheated repeatedly. He became her best friend turned boyfriend, then they split for career reasons. I met him a year later, we dated, got tested, both were negative, got married, had kids, thought we would live "happily ever after." Then this happens. His doctors said that because of his viral load and CD4 numbers at the time of testing, he had to have been poz for at least 8 years or so. I immediately got tested also and we couldn't believe that I tested negative and the children were also negative! I'm going to get tested again within the next week or so, just to be sure. This is the part that feels like a nightmare. After we found out, I couldn't eat, sleep, talk to him, touch him, it was hard to look at him. Not that he did something wrong to me, I just couldn't believe what was happening, or that it was happening to us! My husband is the kindest, most gentle spirit you could encounter. He is faithful and caring, a wonderful Dad, and my rock! I couldn't believe this happened, and for all that time! There was a part of me that felt like the virus would show up in me regardless as to what the doctors said. I mean, this is my husband! I have had unprotected sex with this man for almost 7 years and I tested negative?!?! Don't get me wrong, I DON'T WANT TO HAVE IT and I pray to God that I never get it!! It's just so unreal to me. And now we have to go through all of these frustrating measures to have "safer sex" so that I won't get it. The doctors said that this happens to a lot of what they called "concordant couples" or something like that. They said that the virus does not transmit with every encounter. I just feel blessed! Well, I finally started to talk to him about it after weeks of completely shutting down, and as I first stated, we are working through it, with God's grace. I truly believe that He will not put any more on us than we can handle. I have also stopped bleaching everything everyday, sanitizing the toilet seats with each use, and turning my cheek to my husband to kiss when he leaves or comes home from work each day. I know this sounds awful, but we all have to start from somewhere and grow from that point. I thank God that I am growing, and in such a short span of time. The key is prayer and educating myself almost daily on HIV and related issues. This allows me to slowly remove the fears that hinder my relationship with my husband and others who I come in contact with, which we should all do. You will never know if your neighbor, friend, co-worker, family member, whomever, that you are in very close contact with is infected unless they choose to tell you. And no one should be mistreated, neglected or made to feel unloved, not wanted to be around or less than human because of something that they did not ask to have. I am so glad that I came upon this site one night because this is my outlet. We decided that we would not share my husband's status with anyone so that we could try to keep our lives otherwise normal. I'm glad that I have people to share with here on DS who can truly relate to what I'm feeling and not judge me for it. Thanks for listening/reading my story. . .

Interests

Gardening, reading