bradleywhughes’s Profile

About Me

Hi there. I am new to bipolar forums. I have been blessed with BIpolar 1 with acute mania and distorted reality leading to "delusions." I disagree about the delusions. much of what I see and fel is real. I typically have one or 2 intense manic episodes a year that lead to hospitalization. M mania is far more "severe" then anyone I have talkedwith. I have decided to continue my research involving the coinsidenses and confidence that I experience and want to expand on it. I am positive that there is purpose to it all and have decided to give up on meds and find exactly what that purpose is through continued experimentation while manic. Upon my most recent hospitation I listed alergies to all bipolar medication i am aware of. The nurse was complient and secured bracelts to my wrists (11 of them) each stating the meds i suffered an alergic reation to. I refused treatment from meds. I was injected a few times wit a drug against my will not sure what. THey threatened to never release me if I did not take meds, I stood my ground. I followed ALL of the rules and exceeded them: the things posted on the walls, the schedule, did everything I was asked (other than meds). Took this to an insane level: shaved every morning, atended classes I was not even required to, excersized in my free time. EVERYTHING. I even slept ormal hours or atleast pretended to. My motivation being that I wanted out of there. I was eventually released after visiting with a lawyer and asking alot of quetions about mal practice insurance. I have alsway researched my manic episodes following hospitalization. Many times my memry is not clear due to seditivs that I am given while hospitlized. I go back and confim events via police reports, hospital security, nurses, friends and any witneses I can locate. Wat I have found is that many of the "DELUSIONS" I was informed of are not delusions _ THEY ARE REAL. I write everything down and analyze it's meaning contanty. I conduct experiemts to determine if these things can be logically understood. Some of the findings are truly fasinating. I have decided that want to continue this research and will not be taking meds again. I am not affraid, EVER. That part of my brain does not seem to work anymore. I even embrace death as in my mind fiath has nothing to do with eternal life. It is fact. My family and friends and doctors are aware of my decison and very anxious. It is dificult to watch my mother wory, I have decided that she is projecting her anxiety onto me and it is not fair. I have to live life for me. I am looking for heaven on earth. Living the dream. Wil not be "duped" by the curent mental "health" sytem. It all has meaning. know it does. Medication is not the answer. Brad