speedy0103's Journal

My youngest turned 14 yesterday.  I can't believe that my baby is that old!  It goes by way too fast.  The things we do for our kids.  He wanted a PSP (portable playstation) and of course that's all he wanted so I went to buy one and found that all the stores in our area were sold out.  Any one who has teens knows they are hard to buy for at times because everything they want is unattainalbe or unaffordable so I was panicked!  I called his father to see if he had time to call around and he did and no luck.  when i picked up my 17 year old he was really sweet and said he and his friend would go in search of one.  so we all spent our Friday night desperately looking for this stupid psp.  Finally found one thanks to my son's efforts and the birthday boy was happy.  Now i just have to survive a sleep over party with six teenage boys tonight!  wish me luck!  lol.  The things we do for our kids!

Just realized how long it's been since i've written a journal entry.  i think that means i'm doing okay.  in reading my old journal entries i've realized how far i've come in just a year.  How can you feel like a completely different person just one year later.  i don't recognize the person i was.  i feel so different today.  last year i was hopelessy depressed about my situation.  i was broke after christmas and had no money in the bank.  this year,  i bought presents for those i love and appreciate, enjoyed family and friends during the holiday and by 12/31/07 had all my months bills paid on time, rent was paid and i had money in my account.  in all our twenty years of marriage that never happened.  i'm so proud of myself!  it turns out i wasn't as helpless as I thought.  i'm actually a responsible, capable and independent woman.  Who'd of thought?

Well, I passed another one of my self tests on Friday.  i went to a social event knowing that my ex was going to be there with a girlfriend.  I always wondered how i feel if i saw him with another woman.  So when I saw them I just walked right up to them and said hello and introduced myself.  She seemed nice and pleasant enough but my ex seemed uncomfortable so i cut it short and moved on.  Here's the thing.  I didn't feel anything.  I know i left him and never second guess my choice but i'd of thought it would bother me a little after being witht the man for twenty years.  I guess to me it just comfirms that i really didn't love him and that i did the right thing by leaving him and giving him a chance to be loved by someone else.  Also makes me amazed that i survived in a loveless marriage for 20 years.  I know i did it for the kids and i wouldn't take back for anything but 20 years is a long time to be with someone you don't even like.  How'd I do it?