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freckles04281976's Journal

confused?

Sunday, March 2, 2008 | A Sad story

So my life feels awful right now. I should start from the very beginning. On November 25, i find a text message on my husbands phone saying "hi hun, going out for a bit, xoxxo and her name". So i ask him who this girl is. He says she's just a friend. I say "oh really? cause my friends don't call me hun or xoxo". So this weighs on my mind for a while. I also suffer from depression which doesn't help. Then 3 days after xmas, i am in the basement looking for a gift receipt and i find a medication bottle with the same girls name on it. I ask his mother (who lives with us) what this is. She doesn't know. I go out for a bit and i am bothered by this all day. I go back down to the basement and start rooting around. I find 2 cards. One that says how much she loves him and that she was scared that last night it was over and hopes it's not, etc. The second is a christmas card and it says that she hopes this is the first of many christmases to come. So i freak out and absolutely lost it. Oh, did i mention that i am 9 months pregnant at the time? Welcome to my life. So he's at work, so i call a friend to come and get me. I call him on his cell before i leave and tell him not to expect me home tonight and he has ruined my life. I couldn't bear to be home when he came in. After talking with my friend, i come home and he doesn't even say 2 words to me. He just stares at me. I go upstairs and get my jammies on, waiting for him to come up and confront the situation. Didn't happen. Finally i go downstairs and confront him. He says that I rejected him, we had no sex life whatsoever (i guess i climbed on top of myself and got myself pregnant) and i was always at work. The last one being 100% true. But it seemed at the time that he's putting the blame on me. While i tried to communicate with him and talk to him on numerous occasions, he was the one shutting me out. So i told him i was leaving. I was going to my mom's house almost 2 hours away. He left and put gas in the car for me. Later that night, he comes into 'our' room, and asks if i'm coming back. That i should go to my moms and think about things and see how i feel in a couple of days. In my mind at that time, i had already decided i wasn't going to return. A while later i went to bed and he comes upstairs crying and begs me not to go. I say nothing. Finally i let him come into the bed with me and we talk. He says he met this girl in the summer through a friend of a friend and it was a friendship that developed into more and he had sex with her twice. He says he told her goodbye and isn't going to see her anymore. Just like that? i say. Yes, he says. 3 days later, i had the baby. A few weeks after that, we go out for coffee and i ask him if she has contacted him since. He says no. Another few weeks go by and that feeling of uneasiness comes over me again. I go to the basement and notice that he has left his email open. So i read it. It wasn't over. Not by a long shot. She was introduced to my baby. That really bothers me. He comes home that night and i say things don't seem right between us. He says things are fine. I let it go at that. The next day i come clean and tell him i looked at his email. He tells me over and over that he hasn't contacted her. I know what i read. Still i don't leave. This is where it gets bad...i go on facebook and look her up. I send her a message.I wasn't mean or anything, i just say that him and i are working things out that i'm assuming she knows and i would appreciate if no contact was made between the two. On a Saturday 3 weeks ago, she calls me! Wasn't expecting that. She tells me absolutely everything. She has even met his mother! Then his mother has the gall to say that she only met her once or twice and she assumed that they were friends. Anyways, i get to the point where i absolutely lose it and i call him on his cell and tell him to get his ass home right now. Swear words were involved, but i can't use those on here, so just improvise. When he gets home, he starts threatening me saying he's not going to let me take his baby away from him, etc, etc. Oh, he was pissed! So i still don't leave, although i want to. He says it was over. His mother says it was over. This girl says no. Who do i believe? Basically in the long run, he's fallen in love with this other girl and now he's torn. He now loves 2 women. Instead of her being his sex mate, they were in a relationship. He brought our baby into her life, her child into his life. The whole thing just pisses me off. I am now just starting to try and heal, but it's not working. I feel like i don't know him anymore. They were actually planning a vacation to cuba, but tells me he can't get the time off work to go on vacation with his FAMILY. Writing this made me feel a little better, but that won't last long i'm afraid.