BallerinaGurl's Journal

i dont even know why he like came into my room like an hour ago and this time he didnt touch me he um had sex with me god i cant take this shit ne more i wanna just get out of here but its like i sorta feel this need to be close to him i mean when i was younger he treated me like i was a queen he let me do any and everything i wanted i mean he still does but only on those days that he doesnt want to have sex with me why does everyones life have to have one painful event behind it i mean everything was going fine until he wanted me again i thought he was cured but i guess i dont know maybe i did something to make him angry or maybe he needed me in some way that my mom wasnt giving him god i feel so disgusting and dirty and just grossed out im crying now i bet my dad is so happy that he got to make me bleed again i mean i am never going to get my virginity back and my father took it from me he took something that god wanted me to give away to someone that i love god well my dads calling me i have to see what he wants