jules65's Journal

Letter To My Husband.......not that Mood

Tuesday, July 8, 2008 | A Rambling story

Dear Jerk.......

Just a note to inform you.......I AM TIRED!!!!!

There is not a day that goes by that I am not tired. While you nap and rest your eyes when you are home....I must constantly keep mine open to make sure the babies are safe and my mom is okay and the house is clean and clothes are washed and dinner is made......all things that can only be done if my eyes remain open.

My two older children hardly ever come to see me because they can't stand you and how you treat them. We call you the house nazi behind your back because you insist on pissing on your territory everytime they are here....by constantly telling them where they can and what they can and cannot touch or do in YOUR house.......Why don't you just piss on everything now and get it over with???

The person I was before I married you is nothing near to the person I am today because I believed your crap and married you. I know that that person I used to be is still in there somewhere, but she decided four years ago that it was much safer for her tender heart to remain hidden inside and out of the reach of your nastiness.

It is men like you that make the writers of books such as "The Burning Bed" rich from writing them. You bring out the worst in me and many times I am someone I don't even recognize when I am around you for too long. And you wonder why I sleep in the spare room with my Mom? Your behavior gives creedence to the saying that "he changed the day we got married." You did. The very day we were married you started insulting my family because you knew it was the quickest way to my heart with your daggars.......I know I am a fool for being here with you......were it not for the babies I would be gone......I know how bad it is when I wish at times I could just get sick and die so that I could get away from you......there have been many times these past four years that I have wished that.......

I wish I wasn't such a weak person.....that I could just get away but i have the babies to worry about and my mom and you of course know that......but someday....someday.....thats how I live my life anymore isn't it?........someday.

It never comes....never gets here.

I feel so stupid when I think about how gullible I was to believe all of the crap you fed me in order to get me to marry you and have these babies for you........the minute you found out I was pregnant you turned as cold as ice and that is how it has remained ever since......I am so dumb. Too trusting. I didn't need a man in my life. I was fine just the way I was before you came along. I wish I had been more careful with my heart because you have just torn it to shreds....the usable parts left in it now are reserved for my babies and my mom and the rest you have destroyed with your nastiness and hatefullnes towards me. Why did you pick me? I am soooo stupid.

Hug jules65

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Comments

Julies... you are not stupid. There is a reason for the saying love is blind. We all have hard times in our marriages. The hard part is figuring out when the marriage is no longer a marriage of love but just convenience. You have so much on your plate right now. I wish I could help you in some way. Please try to get out of the house if you can just for a break. Take a walk, just get away from it for a few minutes.

jewelsgem2
Julie, I feel so for you. My heart goes out to you and I wish there was something I could do to help you. Can you not make it on your own...There's always child support. People always think you should stay in a marriage for the children, but that's not so true. My parents were divorced, but before that it was a living HELL. I was only 6-10 years old and hiding in closets to get away from it. So it's not good for the children...TEXAS HUGS to you this day.

Janabear
I have to agree with jana hon, this is one hell of a waste of your life, your 42 and have far too much put on your shoulders. Why on earth doesnt he help you ? I know it has to be the financial situation why you havent asked him for a divorce you have the kids and your mum to look after. Can you seek advice from anywhere about financial help at all ? This isnt just hard physically on you but emotionaly too hon. Is there a way yould ramain in the house with your mum and kids and ask him to leave, the marriage seems to have bitten the dust and he probably stays for the simple fact he has a housekeeper doesnt he grrr. Wow hon, I wish I could think of a way out for you, you sound so sad and at the end of your rope with all this and who can blame you hon. xxxxxx

AngelAfriel