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AliceJoy's Journal

Journal Entry for September 1, 2008 Restricted Content

- Just Friends
Monday, September 1, 2008 | A Positive story

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Judgemental people suck Mood

Saturday, August 9, 2008 | A Painful story

Why do people have to determine if you right or wrong to get divorced? Why do they have to blame? I teach people this simple fact all the time. BLAME IS FUCKING DYSFUNCTIONAL. Rarely, rarely, do we have justification to blame. Usually instead of fixing a problem it simply diverts our attention from the problem. Once in a while, yes, we must get to the root of something. Like a murderer on the loose, yep, got to track him down, hang the blame and hand out punishment.

But I didn't kill anyone! I am getting divorced for good reasons. And I know it and God knows it. But these good religious people don't get this one simple idea. That they do not have to track down who the bad guy was. Or blame anyone. Or pass judgement. Why don't they get it? Are they not adults? Have they not grown up? Are they still school children in yard saying, "Na Uh, she did it. It's her fault."

Today I had someone push me for the why of my divorce. I told them no. But they wouldn't take the no. I was tired and discouraged so I explained to them, with as much respect to the X as possible. They quoted me a scripture. I looked it up and read it over and over and over. Thinking I must be wrong. Then I asked if they were telling me I should remain alone the rest of my life or go back to my X. The person said yes. Because I don't have bibical reasons for divorce. And did I say FUCK YOU? No I did not. I am a class act if you are not inside my head. It's gets a lot grittier in there. No I referred this person to a beautiful song by Brandon Heath, about a person asking to be allowed to see through God's eyes, hold people with God's arms, have God's love. I thought this person needed a little education in true spirituality. Bet they won't listen.

So, right now the X is getting ready to go to a party of people we have known for years. They are royalty in our our church. Good people, sure to make it to heaven. Guess who is not invited? The line drawn hurts, especially after earlier today. And of course, having used the word fuck twice in this (now three times) I have simply proven I have gone the way of the world, lost the spirit, blah, blah, blah.

The thing is I love God. Thank heavens He's been here for me. But all these children of his who have known me for years, whom I've taught in church, brought meals and loaves of homemade bread to. Called to see how they were, comforted and cared for. What the hell happened to them?

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Comments

I completely agree with you. Many try to push their beliefs on others. Many times they believe they are helping, but most people need to realize this doesn't work. Hugs. Comfort, Adult decisions and love.

newguy2008
Judgmental people totally suck, no doubt about that. You are so smart, so genuine, no doubt about that either! Love ya, hugs to ya.

anne7676
Fuck them. If they weren't judging you for getting divorced, they would be for something else! You don't need to answer to them. It's hard I know. But just remind yourself; it's YOUR LIFE. And YOUR relationship with God. HUGS HUGS HUGS.
Now, go wash your mouth out with soap. :-P

Begin07
Alice, honey, I feel the sting you speak of. Life is complex, relationships are complex, families are complex, and at least, I am sure, God understands all this, even if us mere mortals hanging around each other can't seem to see the big picture. Us dumbo humans can't seem to assume that others have thought their actions and decisions through, and so we fall into judgment/blame - and it is unfair, small-minded, pointless and hurtful. You're a good, a great, example to me of someone who assumes native intelligence and clear-thinking about others, and you certainly exhibit these characteristics yourself. For all those people who are extracting their pound of flesh from you, in blame and judgment, because you are rocking their boat by doing something (divorce) that makes them uneasy, well, they'll have to get over it. We are all tested and tried by circumstances in our lives at one point or another. Maybe when they come up against their own trials, the example of Alice, who exhibited so much grace and native intelligence in her divorce, will come back to them. You are okay. Your decision is okay. They'll just have to get over it. Stay strong!!

MVH
you know what? thats freakin bs!..me and rach firmly believe god put in his heart to do what he did, just to get him out of my life..god knows whats going on and you dont have to answer to anyone..i know it hurts and sucks now, but in the end we get the ever after..they get a special place in hell

msde
they need to work on that log in their own eye. what scripture is that? look that up and have that at the ready? I love your avi and followed it to your journal... oh, I was given a big slice of this judgement casserole in a women's bible study, and I could go into it, justifying my actions, but basically, it was none of her business. our custody battle was bloody, with much prayer on BOTH sides, just like a war. what is that quote, something about "I'll meet in you that field where no one is right or wrong" - I'm messing it up, I need to find that quote. I get this ~~~

trailblazer