I'm back!!!
June 23, 2008 1:17am
Hello to everyone out there in DS land!
I have been gone for what seems like forever.
Well, not really gone, but, not on the site.
I took a break.
I …
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LostandDelirious’s Profile
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LostandDelirious
is feeling Excellent
About Me
I left DS for a while, but I am back now. A little about me then... I am 21 but I feel like I am 30. My life has been nothing but a trainwreck. I am getting more depressed everyday. But I refuse to lose! I don't want to be that 50yo cat lady. I want to be happy. I haven't been happy since I was little. I want to feel it again. I want to feel alive. I want to be secure and independent. I am tired of being a starving artist. I need to fix my life and stop dwelling on my past, but I just can't seem to do it. Help!
Interests
Reading, writing, singing, animals, my pets, hanging out with friends, music, myspace(ask for it), art, movies, television, video games, philosophy, herpatology, drawing, I am trying to be a vegetarian and an animal activist. I smoke weed, but I am not a complete "stoner" and it doesn't interfere with my everyday life. I just sleep better at night. ^_^
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Recent Activity
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Journal
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I think I did it...
May 18, 2008 3:17pm
I haven't cut myself in almost four months.
I think I finally kicked it.
I have been having some minor issues with my boyfriend and a little mini …
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This entry is private
This entry is private
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Photos
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Goals
View all in progress Goals
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Support Groups
Close Bisexuality
I realized I was bi when I was around 13. My first kiss was a girl that I was sharing a room with while in a rehab clinic. My first real love was with my friend Caitlin(we are now best friends). I am with a guy now, but sometimes I miss being with a girl.
Close Depression - Teen
I can't remember ever actually being happy. At least not since I was little. But everybody is ridiculously happy when they are young. they don't know any better. but, my depression is ruining my life. I am 21. No job. no education. I cut myself off from my family, with the exception of my sister and two cousins. it is now affecting my love life.
Treatments
- Art Somewhat Helpful
- I feel better when I write and draw. I have to concentrate on that one thing, so I can't think about all my issues. It's like nothing exists except for that drawing, or story.
- Music Somewhat Helpful
- Anytime I get upset, I put on my iPOD and smoke a bowl/ciggy. not the greatest method, obviously. but, being high is like my way of meditating.
- Pets Somewhat Helpful
- My Chihuahua Thumper always cheers me up. He is insanely adorable.
- Writing Somewhat Helpful
- I feel better when I write and draw. I have to concentrate on that one thing, so I can't think about all my issues. It's like nothing exists except for that drawing, or story.
Open Eating Disorders
I am 5'8 and i weigh 300+ pounds. Sometimes I wish I could just cut it all off or something. Or I hope for a heart attack that actually kills me.
Open Marijuana Addiction & Recovery
I have been smoking everyday for months. I used to do this a couple years ago, but I stopped. now I have picked back up again. I personally don't think it's very bad though. But I think the whole makes-u-lazy part and getting the munchies is contributing to me obesity. If I was skinny, I wouldnt care. But I need to lose a LOT of weight.
Open Rape
I was raped by a 32 year old Meth addict when I was barely 18. I am 21 now, and I still think about it all the time. I never got any therapy or anything, because my mother didn't think I needed it. She even made me not tell the rest of my family. Except for my father. but, it has been a few years already, and I think about it everytime I hear his name, or drive near that side of town, or see the Meth commercials they play on tv constantly now. Is that wrong? What is the matter with me?
Open War & Terrorism
I was born and raised in New York. Staten Island, to be exact. I know/knew 14 people that were killed due to the 9-11 attacks. Ever since then, I have been extrememly racist against everybody. Is that normal?
Open Self-Injury
Everytime I get even the tiniest bit upset, I want to cut myself. It used to be only when I was really REALLY upset, like every couple months. but now it is like every couple days. I have no idea what to do.
Open Family Issues
LostandDelirious hasn’t entered any details for this support group.Open Healthy Sex
Just looking for advice and people to talk to about having a healthy sex life, I guess. :op
Open Healthy Relationships
LostandDelirious hasn’t entered any details for this support group.Open Infidelity
When my fiance was away at college last Jan-Sep, I cheated on him once, with a male friend.
Open Inhalant Abuse & Recovery
I started inhaling household stuff when I thought I was cutting myself too much. It was almost like I had them on rotation. If I was really upset, then I would cut. If I was only a little upset, I would just huff a bit. And I know it is SOOO horrible for you. It's just that sometimes I can't help myself.
Open Sex / Pornography Addiction
Anytime I get angry, sad, high, happy...I always want to have sex. Especially when I am high(weed) or angry. But then the times that I don't feel like it(rarely) my fiance gets angry. Help?!?!?
Open Anger Management
I get really worked up sometimes. I need to like count in my head and shit. It never works though. So, I write or go online or listen to music.
Open Physical & Emotional Abuse
My father was physically(not sexually) and mentally abusive. My mother, within the last few years, has become emotionally abusive. He husband also made sexual comments towards any female that came to our house. He molested my sister, was constantly grabbing me in innapropriate places, and solicited my friend.
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Snapshot
LostandDelirious hasn’t been active on the site in a while. Why not give LostandDelirious a hug?
