Journal Entry for August 15, 2008
August 15, 2008 9:21am
Sobriety (Days)
334
RazberrySwirl’s Profile
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RazberrySwirl
is feeling Excellent
About Me
I'm a 20-something bisexual living in MA. I'm married to a wonderfully supportive man who I love to the ends of the earth. I spend most of my time working on my artwork, and the rest of my time hanging out with my hubbie and ridiculously straight friends. ;) I'm kind of punky and yet femme. I love anything involving art, music, or theatre. You name it, I’ve done it and/or are recovering from it. I’m a little crazy. Until quite recently, I’ve lived by the “Die young, leave a good looking corpse” credo. Newly sober, in every sense of the word, I’m feeling better than ever and I’m still a hell of a time to party with. Believe it or not, I’m usually quite humble. I’m even shy at first. I’m also very loyal and loving.
Interests
love. art. music. cooking for friends. having long, soul-bearing talks. the ocean. tattoos. working out. hiking. camping. eating well. being silly without regret. never growing up. laughing always. loving with my whole heart.
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Recent Activity
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Journal
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Hugbook
Hug
good morning. dropping by to see how you are doing. hopw you have a great day!!! hugs :-)
Hug
It seems as though you are still doing well and I am thrilled to see it. Please keep taking care of yourself. We're all rooting for you.
Gold Star
you made it
Prayer
hey how tings ?? ope u well
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Hug
dropping by to give you a hug. have a nice day!
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Photos
RazberrySwirl hasn’t uploaded any photos yet
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Goals
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Support Groups
Close Bisexuality
I've known I was bisexual since I was very little. I came out to my friends at 18. My parents and family still don’t know. I’m married to a wonderful and supportive husband. We’re honest about everything. He understands that I’m still figuring out my sexuality, and encourages me to explore my heart. I have very few bisexual friends, but hope to make more. Any bi buddies out there?
Close Lesbian Relationship Challenges
I'm bisexual, and though I have dated women, I wouldn't call any of them a real "relationship." I've found that alot of lesbians have used me, thinking I was "confused" or "just another bi girl". I'm here to get some insight.
Treatments
- Talking Somewhat Helpful
- Talking helps in terms of venting. Most of my lesbian friend still want to peg me as confused while my straight friends wish me the best because they cant relate.
Open Self-Injury
I've been cutting since I was a young teen. The physical act of cutting alleviated my emotional pain. Over the years, I've learned to control it, though the urge is still there.
Treatments
- Group Therapy Somewhat Helpful
- Meh...somewhat worked. Really was just a good place to complain.
- Psychotherapy Working / Worked
- This one is a biggie and helped my the most.
- Rubber Bands Working / Worked
- I like this one, though it's still not as satisfying as cutting. Still, it helps when you're on the go.
- Squeezing Ice Somewhat Helpful
- I hated squeezing ice, though it helped somewhat. A frozen orange worked much better for me.
- Talking Too Soon to Tell
- It helps. I don't do it much.
- Tattoos Working / Worked
- I guess it worked. I'm covered.
Open Alcoholism
Started drinking a 19. Heavily drinking by 21. Unable to have "just one" almost immediately. Through rehab and counseling I've stayed sober 5 months now...
Treatments
- Cold Turkey Working / Worked
- It just wasn't work it for me to ever start again. I couldn't risk losing my friends and family, or killing myself.
- Outpatient Treatment Program Working / Worked
- I was in outpatient for dpression, but I was counseled for alcohol too. I kicked it cold turkey.
- Willpower Working / Worked
- It's so hard though.
Open Anxiety
I've had anxiety since I was 11 or 12. I have my ups and downs with it. It was going really well until about 2 years ago. A doctor over medicated me on Klonopin. It's taken me a variety of doctors, lots of therapy, and a year of painful withdrawals to get off of Klonopin. I'm now dealing with my anxiety through exposure therapy, counseling, and willpower.
Treatments
- Ativan Somewhat Helpful
- Helps but it addictive. I always needed more and more. I take a Benadryl at night to sleep now.
- Breathing Exercises Working / Worked
- I constantly do breathing exercises. It helps most of the time.
- BuSpar Somewhat Helpful
- Took this in conjunction with Klonopin. Hard to say it if helped at all.
- Klonopin Not Working
- It seemed like a God-send whn I first started on Klonopin. However, I negligent doctor kept upping my dosage until I became addicted. I lost over a year of my life to being bedridden with painful withdrawals. Also, I didn't like who I was on the medication. I was very disconnected and emotionally numb.
- Lexapro Not Working
- This medication was AWFUL for me! I was on it for three days when I had such suicidal impulses that I had my mother drive me to the hospital. I will NEVER take that medication again!
- Meditation Somewhat Helpful
- Worked, though hard to do when truly panicked
- Positive Thinking Working / Worked
- Though hard to maintain, this can be the best thing for my mood.
- Trazodone Somewhat Helpful
- See Avidan.
- Valium Not Working
- Xanax Not Working
- Zoloft Not Working
- I got fat and tired on this medication. Didn't help my anxiety nearly enough.
Open Personality Disorders
I've recently learned that I have Body Dysmorphic Disorder. It's all still new and I'm trying to understand it...
Treatments
- Talking Somewhat Helpful
- Just started talking to my therapist about it.
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Snapshot
RazberrySwirl hasn’t been active on the site in a while. Why not give RazberrySwirl a hug?
