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i don't think that i have ever felt so alone. i have been through alot in my 36 yrs. ( we all have ) abuse ( most ways you can think of ) parents went through an ugly divorce , became a victim of the system @ age 13 , ran away to try and escape the pain and by this time i had already been through 12 schools . I have fought really hard to stay on the right track , became a mom @ age 17 ( Heather ) 8 yrs later had Megan. If i wasn't a struggling single mom , I was a struggling single mom living with some asshole ! I have always considered myself a very strong survivor , and have been told so by counselers, Dr's and many others.
I met a man at Walgreens in the checkout ( kinda long story ) and thought it was all over. He was like no other that i have ever met . for starters, we didn't meet in a bar ( bartender 15 yrs. ) he had a great job, came from a very close family, built his own beautiful home ( with his own hand) rode a harley, and much to my suprise he went to church every Sunday. He didn't go to bars, and never even experimented with drugs. He was married for 8 yrs to a beautiful wife ( he told me @ the 1st date :( ) and he loved her very much, i could see it. The only thing that i could find wrong with this guy is he is obsessively perfect. the way in which he dresses, cleans, and keeps all of his things. he would actually polish the bike as we a riding, after washing it before it can leave the garage. and he lacks compassion !!! espically for others. with all of my trials ( he doesn't know the half of them, i learned early on that in most cases it's better to leave the past in the past ) i have become a very compassionate person. Forgiveness has been a big part of my survival.
More times than not I have wondered if I am good enough for him. I can't tell you how many times that i have seen a woman very much put together and thought that she would probably be perfect for him, and a couple of times I expressed that, and he would sat "I don't want that" he said I was his diamond in the rough. So i went with that :). as time went on (while we were dating) he really started to show his lack of respect for myself, my family and my friends. And 3yrs into the relationship, I told him it was over ! I was done ! Started dating an average guy right away. moved him in and after a couple of weeks started kicking myself. He dosen't drink, do drugs , or beat me up . He is a working nut , from the time he wakes till he lays his head to rest . So i sent him an e-mail that said i'm sorry, and i'll probably spend the rest of my life looking for somthing that i already had. ( hard to find a good guy ) well with that he said "get rid of the other guy and work this stuff out" I was delighted that he was willing to forgive me ( I prayed for days for god to fill his heart with forgivness and love, it seemed to work) Well he said let's go all the way and asked me to marry him. I said yes!
I need a nap !!!! to be cont.
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Hi I happened to view your writing sitting here at the computer. Interesting story--I hope you continue. Are you in tx? I started a few days ago. It does not seem so terrible-just tired, but am staying active and drinking lots of H2O. I have been married seven years to someone I disregarded for years (a fellow social worker when I worked for Children Services). We ended up married and both started a non profit agency-really taking Children Services to task for separating families and children from their communities. We ran this successfully for several years on a shoe string budget. Now my husband is working as a social worker-therapist to try to hold families together. I am concentrating on my art work
Marilyn
Lacudia
Hi Marilyn. Yes I am in tx, started 1 month ago. I am having terrible headaches, dizziness, and a rash that itches like crazy. I went to see my Gastro yesterday and he is lowering the doses of the meds. Sure hope it helps. If you have any questions I would be glad to answer to the best of my knowledge. Thank you so much for taking intrest in my writing, it feels pretty good to know that someone actually is listening. I was so overwhealmed when writing because i could go on and on about what to write, I felt like I left out so many major events that are very important to my story. I will continue. My good friend is on here way over, haven't seen her in a long time. Thanks again Rebecca
rebecca71
I am still feeling O.K., but continue to feel tired and I was feeling like I was itching everywhere last night. I finally went to sleep and continue to take Tylenol PM What does are you at? I am scheduled to go up on the Rebitol next mont and then take the Pegasys. I am also feeling somewhat antisocial. A friend I have not seen wants to come over and I do not like the guy she is with. She is working two jobs, getting a PHd and he just takes a few classes. This has gone on for years. I think I will tell her I am not up to visiting with the both of them (She is back visiting from Boston. It takes too much energy when I dislike someone. I encourage you to keep writing. I have kept journals most of my life. I seem to only write when I am distraught though. Funny how the same old themes keep going on and on. Hope you feel better. I feel lucky right now. It is not as bad as I expected. Marilyn
Lacudia
Dear Bec: You are by far one the strongest people I know. I know the road will get tough and you've been through some really harsh terrain in your life, but with this wonderful support group, all of your angels in Heaven and your friends sticking by you, we'll pull this off together. Hugs and Kisses, "C"
CathywithaC
Does this mean you are back with the Walgreen's guy that was disrespectful to you and your family? If you are his "diamond in the rough" he is trying to change you....and you are much more vulnerable on tx....be very careful....
TSuzy