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I need to :
pull myself up and not let my self get down,......im starting to question if i am just like this cause i let myself be and if i did something to change it not sure what if it would be easier for me. Maybe it is just how i think and i should be able to change that, maybe it is something genetic and i just need to change lifstyel so that i am not just succumbing to it. maybe i just need to grow up and deal with it. I do not know but i know i need to do something so that this sh*t doesnt drag me under with it.......
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I have not said anything but maybe getting it out in the open will help.
I have been wanting to cut for a few days now and i dont know how long i can resist it....
I want to go be with my Grandpa.....I am tired of living. RIP 8.27.08
I want to sooner than later......if only i could get myself to do it.
Im sorry. I just don't know how much longer i can deal.
Love you all
and once again sorry
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please don't. I don't really know you but I don't want to see you hurt. I know you are hurting now from the loss of your grandpa and I am sorry for your loss. But think of him, he would want you to heal and have a rich and full life.
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Hugs Jenn~
I hope you will contact your mental health facility....or your therapist....and talk with them....I know they would love to hear from you...and they will be able to help you thru this....You don't have to do this alone....please call them....Of course we are here too...so please take care of yourself....and hope to see you soon...
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what mental health facility? what therapist? i do have to do it alone.....according to everyone else i should not be feeling it this much.......and not cry about it. and just get over it.....
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As much as your Grandpa would love to have you with him, I am sure that he would rather have you stay with us.. Love is painful, but you are so lucky to have those memories. I never had a grandpa, or dad. Life is precious...it will get bettr. Maybe a therapist would be a good place to start.
DAmn my tummy is killing me.....i am getting horrid cramps cause i have my period....i am trying to get the energy to study but its not happening very easily.......i am hoping to take my test end of oct.....dont know if i can yet
Past Entries
Things to make me happy? I am not sure of that one right now. Someone asked me that. I will have to think but I think if I was not constantly asked for money and didn't have that stress added to my life it would help. I would like to not be depended on to help pay someone elses bills when I don't even have a completely full time job yet and am trying to focus on studying for a major examination for school. I will start with that and keep adding to what i want and anyone can add any feedback if they would like or any opinions on how to achieve these goals.....Thanks :)
DisApeArfromME
It's great that you work in a senior center. Helping others is a great way to help your soul but you do need to focus on yourself sometimes! It is a bad habit I have, I give so much of myself to others there is little left for me.
HopefulWanderer
That is true but i also in my free time have to focus all my energy on studying I dont have any free time for myself just to read a book like i used to.....tonight i watched a movie with my mom that is the first time i have watched a full show in a long time. It was a good movie but to prove my memory loss cause of the stress i can not remember the name of it right now. LOL
anyways thanks
DisApeArfromME
I can't answer your question but just you realizing what you don't want, is important. I think sometimes we need to choose what is more important...our selves or pleasing others. Take the time to see the beauty around you.
dkimball
That is a start, you are now trying to see what you can do to help yourself. I totally understand how you feel, I am proud of you because instead of giviing up, you are starting to fight to win, and will win the fight. I am praying for you everyday, and I jnow that if you just keep this kind of thinking, not let the negative thoughts over run you, you will win this round. Don't forget,it is day for day, we are walking this road one step at a time. Just keep your head up, keep looking towards the finsh line, and your breakthrough will come.
WLR
Thats good that you want to help yourself hun. Just hang in there and try harder every day to make things better...thats what im trying to do atleast. *hugs* sweetie
cursed2bKirst