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Journal Entry for April 15, 2008 Mood
Tuesday, April 15, 2008

I think that as each day passes, my heart is a bit more healed.  Though, I sometimes still feel the need to ask, why, even though no answers will be given to me. I have been thinking of another baby, perhaps to start trying at the end of the year. I just especially hate the thought of having to go through another pregnancy all over again and having a third c-section. The third trimester is also very hard, I had a hug belly with both of my pregnancies and I just hated to drive and go to work with my huge belly. I only got thru it because I was just so very happy to know that it will be over and that I will have my precious baby. I told my husband that if we have a third baby it would be only because Daniel passed away because we were not planning on having a third baby, so therefore or next baby would only exist because of Daniel’s death, but my husband does not see it the same way. Then I won’t know how I would feel about having a girl and if it's a boy, I won't know how I will feel either. What if it’s a boy that looks a lot like Daniel? What if I have another girl and miss my chances of having a precious boy? Oh, I just hate having to go through all of this. My family will always be incomplete without Daniel.

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Comments

  1. adamsdad

    My wife said she felt guilty about wanting a 3rd child because she didn't want to feel like she was trying to "replace" Adam. We had wanted 2 kids so when we lost Adam we were back to 1 and needed another, you know. It was our plan to have 2. Now we do. Our 3rd boy, Bailey, did not take the place of Adam. He became a new part of our family. Adam can't be replaced. He has his own place in our hearts, in our home, in his pictures, and in our prayers. Go for it, it is totally worth it. I cannot imagine life without my Bailey boy, he is a true gift.
    I did freak out a little when Bailey was born, he looked EXACTLY like Adam. I saw his hair and started crying. Then I saw his face and came unglued, it was so surreal. When I knew he was OK I was able to relax (about 30 seconds ). Now, I look at Bailey, 16 months old, and think how lucky we are that they look the same. Sometimes its like God wanted us to be able to see what Adam would look like if he were still here. We still have three wonderful boys, its just that one of them lived his whole life faster than the others. We will catch up with him one day.
    Daniel will always be in your life. Make him a part of his sibling(s) life. We celebrate Adams birthday with the boys and do fun stuff all day long. Our oldest boy gives Adam ballons all the time, you know the free ones from the grocery store. Adam is with us and will always be. Your Daniel is in and with you. There is also room for more !! Take care


    adamsdad

  2. KellySL

    I understand all the questions you are asking yourself. Sam was going to be an only child, but now we want as many as God will give us. Daniel will always be your second child and no one will replace him you just have to follow your heart, it will lead you in the right direction. Big hugs


    KellySL

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