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Okay, even though I want to write more, I'm only going to write a little, because I need to go to bed and because tomorrow I'll have more information about my problems. First of all, I'm sorry to all of my friends and groups, because I have not been very active lately, especially with the friends that I used to keep up with pretty regularly. I still care, but I'm trying to really reduce the amount of time on the computer-In fact, I'm trying to get on only every other day, because my computer time was definitely becoming an addiction in itself. Ugh! I have several other issues that are really bothering me, but right now I'm only going to write about one. Today was the first time that I've really, truly wanted a cigarette to calm me down and that I didn't want to just bum one, but that I wanted a pack and frankly, the thought of smoking on a semi-regular basis sounded good to me. And while occassionally I do smoke, I've never bought a pack myself, because I've never wanted to become addicted and I do it so rarely, that's it's never been a problem and since most of people on my campus don't smoke, I don't even really worry about secondhand smoke. I feel like it would be awful of me to get addicted, because I know that it's me wanting to replace an addiction with another. See, now that I'm seriously working on recovery with the ED, I started to get really bad with the computer, and now that I'm also working on that, I guess my unhealthy mind is still wanting me to replace an addiction with another addiction and that scares me. I so much want to become healthier and not self-destructive, but I don't think I ever realized just how hard it's going to be. So even though I know I haven't been replying to people's journals lately, I do hope that some of you will give me some encouragement, because I need it right now.
Comments
UPDATED GOALS
take all of my medication
Progress 5%
Encouragements: 2
Add your supportIt's exactly a week after being discharged from the hospital and I still feel good. Yea! Tomorrow is my birthday and I hope I have a good time. My parents and I are going out to lunch and then I'm going to a friend's graduation party. Her dad is making authentic new orleans cuisine. I'm a little nervous about the food, but I'll be alright. I'm seeing a nutritionist Monday and I'm excited about that, because I have a lot of questions. I think I'm doing very well keeping to my meal plan, though I still feel frustrated. I don't quite trust my body yet and whether I feel full or not. Ugh! I feel so weird. I also feel weird, because I'm a lot more sedantary at my parent's. Before I was walking around town a lot. I know I walked too much, especially since I wasn't eating, but it feels strange not to be active at all. I'll be glad to start walking again, but I'll be more careful this time. Exercise is one of the main things that I'll be asking the nutritionist.
I'm enjoying being in Atlanta, though I hate doing schoolwork when my friends are done. I finished a major paper for my professor and I'm going to ask if it will be enough. I wrote over thirty pages and it's only a one credit class! I'm still not depressed, stressed, or moody, which is SO weird. Read my previous journal entries and you'll see why. The only thing is that I get a little paranoid at night, but it's not bad. Another strange thing is that I'm staying here with my parents and we're getting along really well! I mean, we get along alright, but still I'm very pleasantly surprised that I'm not having more trouble. My first night back was awful, so maybe they decided to just get it out of their system in one night. lol
Past Entries
Goal Updated
Naughty naughty music major :P Don't do it! Maybe try to find a health habit to replace those with- like water drinking? Good luck! I'll see you soon!
flutestarkiss9
Hey girl,
I used to smoke a little here and there and at one point I smoked regularly. My brother's death was my excuse. Notice how I said "excuse"?? You are already an inspiration with your strong will to succeed....now you can focus on a new challenge.....no smoking!! It is the worst habit you can have! Well, a bad one anyway...
You're awesome!!
HUGSSSS!!!!
SugarEmbargo
I smoke and wish I didn't. It's a bad habit and expensive. I have also been told by my psychartrist that it can induce paranoid behaviouf
artemis
i also need a break from the computer as I was getting addicted. don't start smoking. i am trying to quit after 10 years and it is hard
fireyfeminist
Addictions are horrible, I know. Anything and everything is fine as long as you don't exceed it's limit, or your limit. If you do things in moderation then you will be all right. I smoke, other people smoke, it's not a crime it is a choice. Just make up your mind or not at all. Do everything, then that way you really can't be addicted to one thing or another, if it's not one thing that you allow yourelf to wate away doing, then it's next, be it constructive or not.
F10W3Rchild
Addictions are horrible, I know. Anything and everything is fine as long as you don't exceed it's limit, or your limit. If you do things in moderation then you will be all right. I smoke, other people smoke, it's not a crime it is a choice. Just make up your mind or not at all. Do everything, then that way you really can't be addicted to one thing or another, if it's not one thing that you allow yourelf to wate away doing, then it's next, be it constructive or not.
F10W3Rchild
Thanks you guys! I haven't yet-I almost did last night, but the person who was outside smoking was back inside before I came back to where he had been, so it was easier no to and my other friends encouraged me not to do it either. My music friends are a big help as I think they would beat me if they saw me smoking, especially since I'm a singer and am always going to use my voice in my career as a music therapist. lol I'm feeling a bit better today, but hopefully I'll write again in a few days explaining what's been going on in my life. Let me just say-it's been very stressful!!!
kcjones
I think you hit the nail on the head when you said that you are likely trying to replace one addiction with another. I've done that myself with things like cutting, etc. I would encourage you to look at what issues have not yet been delt with that may be triggering you to reach for another addiction to comfort yourself with.
Sophia85