pugetsoundsean's Journal

Nothing much has changed over the past few days. I'm still suffering from an unbearable fatigue, along with a great deal of stress and tension. I'm constantly on-edge, and it feels like I'm stuck in a panic attack that won't go away. Every time the dogs bark, I startle. The nightmares haven't gone away, although they don't seem as bad as they were. I finally got some of my prescriptions filled, everything except my Pulmacort. I've been back on my anti-depressant for a few days, and thus have been sleeping more.

I'm still haunted by memories of past events, and the prospect of an uncertain future is weighing heavy on my mind. I haven't had any more suicidal close-calls, but the temptation is still strong. I have an appointment with my therapist tomorrow, and my doctor the day after. Hopefully, one of them will have some ideas as to how to get control of the nightmares and deal with the traumatic memories that play over and over again in my head.

I've been doing a lot of coloring lately. My friend brought me some really nice, professional, coloring books for adults. I'm sort of finding it relaxing, and it does help pass the time while keeping my mind occupied. I think it's also helping me overcome some of my OCD issues. For instance, should I happen to color outside a line, I'm finding myself pushing ahead as opposed to just ripping out the page and moving on to something else. I still have some work to do, but it's getting a little easier.

Anyhow, not much else to say.