Join Now
the following is a post I just wanted to save, responding to a question posed about obedience, and the way that obedience and yeilding to the will of God rather than what I felt like doing (or didn't feel like doing)... and how it has helped my marriage:
ok, i hope no one misreads this. it seems sometimes like obedience is a dirty word, offensive to our free will... so first I will share a couple of scriptures:
1 Corinthians 6:19-20 (nkjv)
"Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own? (20) For you were bought at a price, therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are Gods."
and
1 Corinthians 7:3,5(nkjv)
"Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. (5)Do not deprive one another, except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer, and come together again so that satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self control"
The world sends a strong message to women that we can and should use sex as a tool and a weapon against our husbands.... holding it over their head as a reward for good behavior; withholding it as a punishment for bad behavior. The world also encourages us to believe that if we don't "feel like it" we shouldn't do it, even within the bonds of marriage. Marriage was Gods idea, and obedience to fulfilling the obligations of marriage is not to be based on how we feel.
I know that there are times when I am just NOT feeling "it"... whether it is because I am tired and worn from the day, or because my husband is riding my last nerve, or something as simple as my hormones aren't kicked into the same gear as my husbands at the moment. But regardless of how I feel, it comes down to the fact that I made a commitment to my husband to be the only person in the world who is permitted to fulfill this very real need of his, and if I do not, I could lead him into temptation (worst case), or I could simply withhold from him the ability to receive the Love of God which is demonstrated and transferred through the sacred act of covenantal sex.
With that in mind, I think it is important to state that I do not just "go through it" with a sense of obligatory duty. If my intention was that way, my husband would only receive empty attempts at gratification, and would not be fulfilled, nor would I. So how does the gap get bridged? This is what I do, and it works!
I pray to God, and I express my desire to please both Him and my husband, my desire to let God love my husband through me, and vice versa, I confess that I really don't "feel it" and I ask God to please make up the difference of what I am lacking in desire or drive. My sincerity invites God to be a covenantal partner in our union... and when we make love, God is the driver. There is no emptiness, and even when I may start out not physically 'feeling it'... God does bring me up to speed with my husband, and we are both not only satiated personally, but sense His presence in our midst.
I'm reminded of something which I believe pastor A.R. Bernard said: (paraphrased) "Lust is in it for itself, Love is in it for the other person"
Lust is selfish and says, if I don't feel like, I can be led by those feelings.
Love is selfless and says, even if I don't feel like, I put the other persons needs before my own.
Obedience isn't obedience if doing what we want is the same as what we should do. Obedience is obedience when it means doing what we should do DESPITE NOT FEELING LIKE IT!
Thank GOD... He provides the feelings that are lacking once we step out in obedience!
1 Corinthians 6:19-20 (nkjv)
"Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own? (20) For you were bought at a price, therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are Gods."
and
1 Corinthians 7:3,5(nkjv)
"Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. (5)Do not deprive one another, except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer, and come together again so that satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self control"
The world sends a strong message to women that we can and should use sex as a tool and a weapon against our husbands.... holding it over their head as a reward for good behavior; withholding it as a punishment for bad behavior. The world also encourages us to believe that if we don't "feel like it" we shouldn't do it, even within the bonds of marriage. Marriage was Gods idea, and obedience to fulfilling the obligations of marriage is not to be based on how we feel.
I know that there are times when I am just NOT feeling "it"... whether it is because I am tired and worn from the day, or because my husband is riding my last nerve, or something as simple as my hormones aren't kicked into the same gear as my husbands at the moment. But regardless of how I feel, it comes down to the fact that I made a commitment to my husband to be the only person in the world who is permitted to fulfill this very real need of his, and if I do not, I could lead him into temptation (worst case), or I could simply withhold from him the ability to receive the Love of God which is demonstrated and transferred through the sacred act of covenantal sex.
With that in mind, I think it is important to state that I do not just "go through it" with a sense of obligatory duty. If my intention was that way, my husband would only receive empty attempts at gratification, and would not be fulfilled, nor would I. So how does the gap get bridged? This is what I do, and it works!
I pray to God, and I express my desire to please both Him and my husband, my desire to let God love my husband through me, and vice versa, I confess that I really don't "feel it" and I ask God to please make up the difference of what I am lacking in desire or drive. My sincerity invites God to be a covenantal partner in our union... and when we make love, God is the driver. There is no emptiness, and even when I may start out not physically 'feeling it'... God does bring me up to speed with my husband, and we are both not only satiated personally, but sense His presence in our midst.
I'm reminded of something which I believe pastor A.R. Bernard said: (paraphrased) "Lust is in it for itself, Love is in it for the other person"
Lust is selfish and says, if I don't feel like, I can be led by those feelings.
Love is selfless and says, even if I don't feel like, I put the other persons needs before my own.
Obedience isn't obedience if doing what we want is the same as what we should do. Obedience is obedience when it means doing what we should do DESPITE NOT FEELING LIKE IT!
Thank GOD... He provides the feelings that are lacking once we step out in obedience!
Comments
*This comes from a resource published by JDM (Jesse Duplantis Ministries)*
Confess that you are healed!
Healing is for you! It's part of your redemption package. Use these affirmations based on the scriptures to build your faith in God's power to heal your body. May they help you to encourage you as you believe God for your total and complete healing.
Isaiah 53:5 - Jesus was wounded for my transgressions and bruised for my sin. The chastisement for my peace was put on Him on the cross - and by His stripes I am healed!
Jeremiah 30:17 - God restores health to my body and heals all my wounds.
Psalm 91:14-16 - God has set His love upon me and delivers me. God sets me on high because I know His holy name. I call on Him and He answers me. God is with me in times of trouble - He delivers and honors me and satisfies me with long life as He continually shows me His salvation!
Psalm 103:3 - God forgives all my iniquities and heals all my diseases!
Psalm 107:20 - God sent His Word and healed me - He delivers me from my own destruction!
Psalm 41:3 - The Lord strengthens me in times of illness - He sustains me when I am on my sickbed.
Proverbs 4:20-22 - I obey the Lord when He calls me His child and asks me to pay attention to His Words and listen to what He has to say. I do not let His Word depart from my eyes. I keep His Word in my heart because I know that it is life to my spirit and health to my body!
Proverbs 16:24 - I will speak pleasant words because they are like a honeycomb - sweetness to my soul and helath to my bones!
Matthew 9:35 - jesus' ministry was filled with healing. He went about all the cities and villages, teaching in their synagogues, preaching the Gospel of the Kingdom, and healing every sickness and every disease among the people!
Hebrews 13:8 - Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever - He heals today just as He healed in Bible times.
James 5:14-15 - When I am sick, I call for the eldgers of the church and let them pray over me and anoint my body with oil, in the name of the Lord. God's Word promises that the prayer of faith will save the sick and the Lord will raise him up, and if I have committed sins, God will forgive them all!
1 Peter 2:24 - I serve Jesus Who, Himself, bore my sins in His own body when He hung on the cross sothat all believers, having died to the life of sin, might be able to live free adn righteous. By the stripes that were laid on Jesus' back, I am healed!
Comments
-
Thank you for posting these scriptures. I live in chronic pain and these verses lifted me up in my time of need. Especially Hebrews 13:8. dee
-
I love this and am gonna use this , It applies to me and also my sister who is battling a recent past addiction. But is finding her path and faith strengthening in God..I am gonna invite her to the Christian Fellowship , I believe she will get alot of help from it..M
I can't help but wonder what people want when they go into support groups.
Sometimes I know that people come looking for supportive solutions, new perspectives. Sometimes.
But too often it seems like people are just coming looking for people to validate them and essentially say, "you don't deserve that" and "you don't have anything to work on about you... its all them... those bastards who hurt you!"
I don't see any good coming out of inferring that they should just sit complacent and ruminate in the juices of their current disasters, taking comfort in the opinion that they are just helpless victims, and as long as they have someone to blame for their state of their life and their emotions, then they don't have to do anything about it. COMMISERATION. the sharing of misery.
I hear a lot of talk (ok, I'm reading them, but I hear them as I read them...) about how "he'll never change" or "they can't change" or "they won't change"
but what I don't hear is enough of.... WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO CHANGE?
Its not just a matter of changing your domicile if your husband beats you up and you need to leave. Yes, that might be a necessary first step, indeed. But its only one step on a long journey toward changing whatever it was in the individual that caused them to get wrapped up in such a cycle of abuse in the first place.
There is nothing that anyone can change other than SELF... the thoughts and feelings of the self... the actions of the self.... the words and decisions of the self. We can impact the world by what "SELF" we determine to be and become, but our impact is only limited to a portion of influence..... change has to be directed at the mirror, and only at the mirror. The situations and people which are beyond the mirror will naturally be affected by the changes that take place in the mirror, but the motivation has to ultimately be one of self.... The motivation can't be to change the appearance of self in order to manipulate the surroundings. And the desire to change the self can't be the result of someone telling you (even ME telling you) that perhaps you need to. It has to come from a genuine desire to be the best you that you were designed to be, and to settle for nothing less out of yourself. This way, if the world as you know it is falling apart around you, you are still internally stable.... in the whirling dervish, you maintain your own shape. It doesn't mean things don't hurt, or that you don't sometimes slip into your less than desirable patterns, but the recovery becomes gradually quicker, and eventually you learn how to recognize triggers and diffuse them before they pull you into an old way that you are trying to erradicate.
I do recognize that there is a sense of validation and comfort in connecting with others who have been through similar negative experiences. But I would encourage anyone who might be reading this to be aware of the difference between connecting and commiserating. Everyone has their own valid truth about how they have been legitimately victimized by another. Just don't let being a victim become an identity to cling to... to do so makes a person a victim of their own thinking... long after the offender may be out of the picture, the victim remains such... until a decision is made NOT to be a victim anymore. Don't be a victim of your own thoughts, and don't be a hostage to your own feelings. You may not be able to stop a thought or a feeling from popping up... but you really can decide how long you are going to let it linger. What we water, grows.
Comments
-
good entry. hope people read it and are able to think about their actions and start surviving and stop being a victim.
-
I like when people validate and make me feel better. People need comfort but they also need to have good solutions to their problems and I like that too. It is when people are critical and make the person feel bad for feeling bad that is not nice. I myself want to get better and if people can help me I am all for it. If they are going to put me down for feeling upset that is painful and hurtful and I don't think it is nice. I think it is important to be kind to people, not put them down and also help them if you are able too. I think it is painful for me to be mean to people and put them down because sometimes people are not able to do what you think they can do right away but they are working on it, at least in my case, people can't always do things, they know what the right thing is, they just have a hard time in that case it is good to validate people and help them and try to find understanding in their situation. Every situation is different, people are different. If you find people to be doing things you don't like when you can see that they made a mess of the situation, and it is their fault but when it really is not their fault it is not fair to be mean to that person, they need comfort, they are sad. I sort of can tell people who make their own messes and complain for no reason and the people who really did get into messes because the people in their life really are annoying. It isn't fair to expect people to change when they can't but if you can see them trying I think it is good to keep helping and being kind to the person. I have had people be mean to me and I don't like it, I think it is important to be kind always, because it really hurts a person when a person is not kind and they hrut you. It is the last thing a person needs is for a person to be mad at you for something they can't help but are working on.
-
I think it is great that you like to help people and give people advice. I think you are an amazing person for doing this and I was very impressed with you. Try to be patient with those that are working on things and want to get better but if people really truly are doing things and not trying I really understand your frustration. I have dealt with people like that and I don't like that at all. I can't stand people complaining and complaining and complaining and when you finally give them advice, this happened to me and tell them the truth they get mad at you when the advice really can help them. I was not being mean but the truth really bothered this person and she left me as a friend so I know what you are talking about with regards to this but when people really are victimized and they can't do what they need to do, patience is very important. I want to say again you were great with me and I appreciate that you try to help people. You have very good answers and it is nice that you are doing that. I think you are great and had a great experience with you. When people get mad at you like that one person did with me when I was giving her the truth, I thought she was very self centered and it was working against her, she got very mad and deleted me. In this case she did not want the truth, she wanted to keep complaining. Who needs people like this. It was a bad experience and I understand your feelings of frustration with this when you are trying to help people and they don't see it as help, they feel you are being annoying. That is very frustrating. It happened to me, I understand.
-
I have no issue with people needing a degree of validation, and don't want to judge anyone for being in a place where they are working on something negative in their life. My concern and frustration is with those who are NOT seeking to empower themselves for their own solutions, but would rather sit and blame any and everyone for the problems in their life, with no desire to become part of their own solution. We all need a pat on the back sometimes, and no one is always going to be perfectly internally motivated. Validation is important, but it shouldn't be the crux of what we seek. The ones who bother me are the ones who ONLY seem to want validation as a kind of permission to sit back and blame their circumstances and do nothing toward their own positive transformation through the situation. Helplessness and victimization are often things that we put upon ourselves. It only frustrates me so much because I know I did the same thing for years... pity party after pity party, and wouldn't receive a word of conviction from anyone because I was clinging to my own righteous anger. There is a big difference between conviction and condemnation. Conviction is a positive thing that allows for us to grow out of a bad trait, which we all have. Some people just really seem to refuse to put what could be helpful into action, opting instead to remain in the comfort of familiarity. I just don't want to hear the same repeated complaints and excuses from those who reject good advice and guidance toward positive action. Some people truly enjoy drama. I know that for me, I had a tendancy to hold on to my problems as if they were my identity. Without them, who would I be. I had no frame of reference for what life would be like without problems and complaints to talk about... kwim?
-
I agree, understand and applaud U...not that U need it but to say "thanks" for expressing truth. .
-
great post!!
-
I think everyone wants something different, and most people don't even know what they want.
but they know they need something.
-
I agree...
-
Great post, so true.
-
Great post. I wish everyone would read it.
-
how true! we need to realize we cannot make anyone behave differently if they choose not to.
-
It is basicly saying what Alonon teachs the only thing you can change is yourself.Im not saying i dont agree.Im just saying people with jobs and famliys have alot more support than a lone person living on disability change that ? I wish i could.
-
Here, hear!
-
Wow! So impressive. I agree with what you are saying, but you have left out two very important areas. Compassion and Forgivenness. We are all like sheep and need guiding in one area or another. Once compassion is out of the mix, we can't seem to connect with people and their problems. I believe some people don't even realize that they need to change within themselves before they can tackle the problems they are facing. How do you do that? By telling them to just "get over it." No. It has to be done gently and with compassion.
The other aspect of changing self is forgiveness. Once we forgive those who hurt us, we can start forgiving ourselves. THat's an important first step to changing our circumstances.
-
Took me a long time in my life to realise I put myself where I was and I had to fix it to...Negative and selpity will never go away if you intend on not wanting to regain a life.
-
I guess the short version is...
No one can help anyone who refuses to get off of their pity pot, dump its contents into the garden... and let the poop in their life be fertilizer...
then comes the harvest.
We all have to be open to receiving hard truthes for their value, rather than villianizing the person who dares to say what we don't wanna hear.
I do agree that such should be delivered with tact, compassion and grace. And this is certainly an area which I am forced to grow in. Humility is critical. Both in giving and receiving.
-
like the composting analogy... very good.
-
wow!we are all humans and we all can mess in one way or another ,so if we correct pple we should remember that we can also be in their situation,so do it well
-
this is a very good post. i think lifting each other up is great, wonderfull, but working on, changing or fixing the core isues, that made us feel that way is imperitive. onbe can not fix another though, they have to decide that for themselves.
I think that it should be clarified that your needs are being met by him when the situation is reversed? He respects you and your feelings and helps you to be "into it" without pushing to hard? There is a fine line here. I has always heard that scripture quoted and what it amounted to in my relationship was rape not love. It takes a bond and mutual respect for the above situation to work. I'm glad that you have such a relationship. Gives hope to others.
twosmommy
Good stuff.
positiveions