InHisStrength's Journal

I used to work in the ministry for 11 years up until about three years ago.  I chose to stay at home with my kids.  I knew that was an important choice for me because I missed having my mother around as a child and now I can give that to my children.  I remember my first year in college I  had been married for about 2 year and it seemed like my life was falling apart.  The pain of my past abuse was becoming evident.  I had a hard time knowing who I was or even if I wanted to be married anymore.  I felt like I missed so much of the freedom I had before I was married when what it really was is that I didn't know how to relate to my husband on an emotional intimate level.  I pushed him away.  Everything was just eating me away.  Then I started reaching out to kids and teenagers in this ministry and I began to see the hurt and disappointment in their eyes.  Many of them were in the same abuse I was once in.  I began to see the pattern of how God brought me out of the abuse that many of them were in.  Instead of looking to the negative all the time, I started telling others what God had done for me.  As I began to focus on the positive, I began to see change in my marriage and in myself.  I became stronger.  I wanted to give hope to these families I was reaching out to.  What i saw was that many of these kids were hard and didn't trust anyone because they had been let down just like I had.  That made me want to try even harder and be more determined to show them that not everyone is like that.  I have learned that love is more powerful than anything out there.  May of these kids who were gang members, in drugs, or was in abusive situations grew up with us and now are in college.  I have seen their lives changed.  Was it worth it to give 11 years of my life?  It was worth more than anything in the world.  This weekend I saw kids, whom I had been blessed to invest in, become awesome men and women.  People gave up on them, but I couldn't.  The last three years I have missed being a part of this ministry, but my kids have been my #1 ministry.  One thing I have lost since my miscarriage is the desire to reach out to others because I was so depressed to even think about it.  My focus became solely on me trying to change things I couldn't and I became discouraged.  I can only change some things and for that which I can't I choose to allow God to work on my behalf.  He can direct me to do what I can.  I am not going to get discouraged anymore because of the things I can't change.  I believe that God brings healing to those who put their trust in him.  Healing came to me when I started reaching out to these young people because I began to see God at work in my life.  I began to see what God was doing in my life as well as others instead of on the negative.  There is healing in doing things for others without thinking you will get anything in return.  Just give just to be giving and you will be blessed.  If you will make a difference in someone else you will be blessed.  This is a challenge to all my friends.  Take the time to love your family and friends.  Do something to bless someone you feel needs it.  They may not understand what you are doing because a lot of people think others want something in return if someone does something for them.  That is called conditional love.  Do something that is an act of unconditional love without anything in return.  Go bless someone with food.  I'm sure you college students would be blessed with that.  Send a card to someone you love encouraging them.  Go give a homeless food or a blanket and talk to them.  Go hug someone and tell them you appreciate them.  I know that through this you will find joy and want to give more.  I want to hear what happens with this from all of you.   Give it a try!  Be blessed on your journey!