wjztrimmer's Journal

Now it's my turn Mood

Wednesday, June 4, 2008

It's only fair, isn't it. That after venting about what J did wrong, I take a look at myself. I mean, if I'm truly a person of integrity and honesty, it would only make sense that I'd fess up to my contributions to the breakdown in our marriage. Here goes:

1- Despite how angry I became, it was never okay to call J names

2- Somewhere along the way, I forgot that J was her own person

3- My anger made me amazingly unnattractive

4- It wasn't okay for me to resent J for being depressed

5- I was so wrapped up in my own life that I though of J as a burden

6- Because I didn't look at J as my companion, I had a lot of expectations of her. When she didn't meet my expectations, I said things that made her feel like a failure

7- Somewhere along the way, I forgot who I was

8- My love for her at times was not patient, not kind, was selfish and wasn't love at all

9- I thought I could get away with being a jerk at times and that she would get over it

10 - It's not okay that I stopped treating my wife as a friend. Over the past two years, I treated her like an enemy.

There are 10 times as many things I could add to this list. But, these are the most profound. I have apologized for all of these things and I'm making changes to remedy each of them. Read the list...I guess you could sum up that we all have lapses in integrity. Maybe I've painted myself as a saint in other posts. I'm not. J put it well today. She said, "we both coped in ways that were unhealthy. You broke my heart with your words and I broke your heart by having an affair. Both of us were wrong."

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Comments

It's very mature of you to do this. Of course, I think infidelity ranks a bit higher on the hurt meter than anything on your list, but marriage isn't about keeping score, is it? I have been especially conscious myself lately that marriages break down not so much because we fail as a couple, but because we lose our individuality.

pianogirl
Thank you for sharing your insight, and the last two journals I will be sharing w/ my own DH.

Cant believe how all these things appear out of no where, and and add up so quickly... I too cant hardly believe how many of us have similiar stories, and unhealthy responses to the stress in our lives.

svdbylove
I shared your last journal with my H. He said he could totally relate, but it made him very sad after he read it. I maybe shouldn't have shown him.

ibex