wjztrimmer's Journal

No escaping Mood

Monday, June 2, 2008

I've escaped a lot of realities in my life. It's not that I've lived a really hard life, but, I have learned to avoid things that are uncomfortable. In light of J's affair, I've discovered that there is no escaping this reality. I suppose I could just deny that it ever happened or I could deny my own pain; that would just stunt my growth, though. And, it would mean that I would be living in my own fantasy world. Ignoring problems doesn't make them go away.

Last night we were watching a movie and I was enjoying the story. It was a character study type of flick, which happen to be my favorite types of films. Then, it comes out that one of the main charaters is having an affair with a married man. I dealt with that until they showed a scene of the two of them in bed together. Then, I just shut down. I hated seeing that and then wondering what it was like for J and the bastard. But, the lines that came after the scene were profound. The lady stops in the middle of sex, sits up and says, "I can't do this anymore. You're a married man; you're betraying your wife. What kind of person are you?" The guy looks at her and says, "I may be betraying my wife, but you're betraying yourself." Truer words could not have been said.

So, today I'm just sort of sad and unfocused and staring hard at reality. On the way to work this morning I was thinking about how weird it feels to hold J in my arms now. It's like I'm holding half a person with half a connection between us. The other half was given to someone else. So, I don't want that other half back. For now, I guess I'll just choose to be grateful for what I have. Everyone says it just takes time but I've also heard that time doesn't heal anything. What you do with your time is what brings about healing. So, what do I do with my time...besides writing in a journal on DS?

Hug wjztr...

Send to a Friend

Comments

That must have been really hard to watch. I don't think I could have sat through it at all. I do believe time heals, I've felt it happen in my case. I also believe what I've heard from counselers that the seeds of real happiness are in gratitude, so choosing to be grateful is a very positive step. Besides journaling, spend time on whatever you enjoy, but for me, the more I'm outside, the better. Prayer and red wine work wonders, too!

pianogirl
My H used to hate affair scenes even before I ever had an affair. Interestingly enough, it was always when the woman cheated. I don't think mine carried one iota if a man was screwing around.

I like the way you think. It's important to pay attention to the writing. It's a good line but it's like the song that never ends. Isn't he betraying himself too?

It is going to take a time. Your wound is still fresh. Some people pick the scab and others let it take the time to heal.

You two are such a cute couple. Your energy is nice and the things that you say J shares with you always sounds like she's doing her best and that she loves you and the boys so much. I have every bit of confidence that you two are a couple who are going to make it out of this darkness.

kellyaa812000