Feeling a little ill today due …
Feeling a little ill today due to having a wisdom tooth pulled, that has been giving me trouble for a while. The …
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In our marriage, I think I'm a giver and my wife is a taker. I'm not a saint, not even close. But, my personality is such that I am generous and her personality is such that she is stingy. The closer I look at this the more I realize that generous people are people who can afford to lose. If our generosity is taken advantage of, we can afford it; it's a reasonable risk. Stingy people, on the other hand, are stingy because they feel that they can't afford to lose. They feel they have to hold on to the little bit they think they have or they'll have nothing.
Given the fact that I was brought up in a family with strong values and morals, I was raised to be generous. She was brought up in a super dysfuntional family with a lot of criticism, verbal and physical abuse; she was raised to be stingy, I think.
Whatever the case, I'm tired of being the giver. I wonder how long it will take her to move past her past? I wonder if she'll ever be more giving, less withholding, less...stingy.
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maybe as she continues to learn & grow w/in the next year you will see a real change in her.
I often wonder this w/ my own H.. and we both came from dysfunctional nonsense.. however, in all the mess there is gratefulness to be had, and to share w/ others.. especially those who are most special to us. Since our nightmare, I have found my H to be a bit more generous, and it means the world to me. I can even tell when he truely does not wish to give it.. and that means even more.. As the days move forward, I find that we both are becoming better & more generous people.. I find being generous makes my life more satisfying.. however, once in a while I would love to also receive such a nice backrub, or him to come and bathe me, as I do for him.. I always try and go out of my way, because I know how good it feels when he has done the same for me.. which is not so often.. I feel that in your words.. You are a very creative person, and you & your wife are very special people..
I loved the story about your date.. and that key... I cant get over it.. I will always remember.. thank you so much for enlightening many, and sharing hope and positivity
svdbylove
Interesting thoughts, but giving is something that has brought you joy, and therefore the more you give and experience that joy, the more you want to keep giving. What prevents your wife from experiencing the joy that comes with giving? That is something she needs to explore- perhaps with a professional. Does it make her feel too vulnerable? Does she think it makes her "weak?" I hope you have communicated to her that you need to see that side of her. It never hurts to be direct about asking for what you need and want. She needs to know you feel this way.
pianogirl
Man its like this was my journal. I too give and give and she takes. Also I believe its how you are raised and she also came from a broken home. Time will give you a clear understanding of yourself and where you want your life to go.
MrJim