PorcelinaSoma's Journal

I don't feel so great.

I miss him so much. I just want him to be back. We've never gone this long without seeing each other. I didn't think I would miss him like this. I just want him to come home. I keep replaying in my head when I had to bring him to the airport. I handled it pretty well until that last hug before he went through security, then I broke down. I walked alone out of the airport in tears. I just want him back.

I was also watching some show that triggered me too. It was CSI or Law and Order or something like that. It was a middle school principal who began molesting young boys. She was arrested after kidnapping one of them, and then sent to the hospital to remove a brain tumor, which caused the part of her brain that controlled sexual arousal to go haywire. She ended up getting pregnant by the 12 year old boy in the end after she was supposedly cured. My version didn't happen like that at all, but it stirred some thought. I remember the pregnancy scare. I don't know how I was so stupid to even end up being scared. But for 2 weeks I was sure that I was pregnant with Luke's child at the age of 15. Circumstances being the way they were, it definitely looked like I had missed the only late period I've ever had in my life. It was 2 weeks late. The only thing Luke could say was "You're sister can take you to get an abortion, right?" I was offended that that was the only thing he could say. He wouldn't even ask my opinion, he just assumed that I'd want to terminate the pregnancy. As horrible as it sounds, if I had gotten pregnant, and got an abortion, I wouldn't regret it today. I don't need a reason to be connected with that pedophile, and he doesn't need to breed.

It's late. I'm off to bed. Hopefully I don't end up crying myself to sleep, for whatever reason.