PearlMoon's Journal

just did shot 8. In the tummy for the first time. Can't believe it is already week 8. It is all in-stride now. It hasn't been side effectless this whole time but nothing i can't handle. For two days i was down, couldn't break the temp etc., but i survived. Yea, there are little aches here and there, few hairs less, but my diet is going well. I am only eating organic and of course vegetarian. Not totally vegan-love cheese. I am steadily loosing a little bit and keeping it off. So-BONUS. I am slowly learning that life is short and live it. I had decided i hated my job awhile back. Had worked 2nd shift for 11 years and went to 1st for the last 8 months-doing insurance precerts for inpatient care. High stress and high suck. I missed the day to day interactions with the patients. So, i finally spoke up last friday to the director of nursing. And within one week, i have the job i want. Back to 2nd on the crisis unit. The crisis unit is the best. it is where the truly mentally sick are. You have a chance to really help them. I feel a great sense of relief. I will start in a week or two-will know on monday. Before the shift switch i was the nursing supervisor, don't want to do that again either. High stress. But i promised i would fill in from time to time. I don't mind that. I am soo happy about this. One of the reasons i switched was for the hubby, more time with him. I think we've both had enough of togatherness. He knew i wasn't happy. I will have so much more energy every day. I don't have to get up at 6 am! I am home in the bed by midnight on 2nd, up about 9. Can't wait to not see 6am again.

My md probley thinks i am crazy. My pulse rate was way up today which is not normal for me. But, if anyone has kept up they know i have a pregnant daughter, finally told her daddy who wallered in self pity for 3 hours to come with "did you talk to her?" She is 24! She is not married and most days ain't getting along with the dad to be. THen her daughter, the lite of my life also wallered in didn't want a baby. Then last night her car tore up. I pay all her bills pretty much and with the added medical i now have it is a bitch. Her rent is more than our house. Not too mention the IRS is on my ass to the tune of 875 a month for back crap for the nest 4 years. I sometimes feel like i am drowning. Anyway lots of other stressors as well. But this morning at the md office, he asked why anxious and I proceeded to tell him about having to wait for the 3rd elevator because i have to ride alone in case it gets stuck, don't won't others sucking up my oxygen. THen he asked me how the ambien was working and enlightened him of my hallucination and that i was not taking it. He smiled and said "and you work at the psych hospital". He also offered me anxiety meds, i said no. I love me some valium! And that is exactly why i said no-the addiction potential. I teach classes on coping skills-need to practice what i preach. It is so much freakn easier to preach. I know that everything will work out fine. I do have a higher power that i pray too. And somehow things work out for the best.  I am excited about the new baby. Of course it is not the perfect time for it but when is? My daughter is going to continue nursing school and working part time. The baby should be born in feb, so for that semester she is taking online classes therefore I will be taking some of them for her. Like english and maybe microbiology (loved that class). Nothing that she will actually need in nursing. I sometimes think i do too much for her but i am her mom and the real deal is-mine done nothing for me. I vowed to be different. I am mom to alot of my kids friends as well. I have my own "possee" if i need it. It is fun when the band plays and they all come out and we hang out. We used to live in a big 2 story house when they were in high school, we had several kids that their own parents didn't care where they were, that lived with us. And of course, strays from time to time. I loved the big family feeling-i was an only child. Now i have 4 step sisters that i don't know. You'll have that i guess. Any way, this writing thing is very free-ing.