alexana's Journal

Thank you to everyone for your comments, caring and support.

Today started off the worst so far - physically then mentally.  I got up this morning and was doing the shuffle - only not to music.  For the life of me, I couldn't lift my feet off the floor and when I crouched down to put food into the cat's bowl, I bloody well couldn't get up again. It was comical really because after trying all sorts of positions, I gave up and lay down on the kitchen floor with my head on the indoor mat, which happens to be in front of the catflap.  The red thing (Little Ginger) went out before I did this and whilst I was lying there like a jellyfish, he decided to come back in - through his flap.  Well he took one look through the flap before coming in, saw this huge beast lying in his way and hightailed it back out of there.  Poor thing, probably thought his domain got invaded by an alien.

So after I finally managed to right myself, I then plodded bacl up the stairs - boy, was that a plod - and went back to bed for a few hours.  As you can probably imagine I hit the downward slope again and just thought, shit - who needs this and for what.  So, did the smart thing and went back to bed. Didn't realise the clocks had gone forward so by the time I got up it was late morning.

Vick came by and we had a long long chat about everything under the sun.  She really is an angel and I'll say it again, I am so blessed to have her in my life.  

I haven't heard from Alex - and I'm glad 'cause speaking with him is a terrifying thought.  What an odd thing to say about your own husband of thirteen years, especially one who you spoke with on the phone at least half a dozen times a day before this disaster happened. 

I've been taking three sleeping tablets every night just so I can sleep the night through without waking up on the hour.  But I have this horrible feeling they might be making my legs worst in the morning so I'm going to try and go without tonight and see if I have the same problem tomorrow morning as I did today.

I haven't eaten since last Wednesday except for one rice cracker and a seed bar per day.  I know I need to start eating again but whereas some comfort eat, I tend to go off food completely.  I will if nothing else force myself to eat something substantial tomorrow because I know I have to - like it or not.

Tomorrow I'm going to order the scooter and providing I'm not doing the shuffle, practice with those disgusting crutches - the temporary ones which Vick brought over.  I did in fact cave in to the idea of using forearm crutches before all this went down and went and ordered myself a pair.  But not for me the 'ordinary' kind, no - I have to go out and get the kind where you can design your own colour - imagine a pair of tuti fruiti crutches LOL http://www.youreableshop.co.uk/WA1073PushButton.asp   Well, if my legs don't start cooperating and cutting out their nonsense, it will be a wonder if I actually get to use the damn things.

At this point, I've lost all sense of dignity and pride and will just be grateful if I can get out and about.  

Until next time..