Delissa22's Journal

Journal Entry for May 17, 2008 Mood

Saturday, May 17, 2008 | A General Update story

I'm not sure where to begin. Dn't worry, nothing bad has happened. I'm just updating on what's been going on in my suck ass life. (May trigger some) I've cut, burned, and hit myself a dozen or so times the last few days. A lot of it had to do with food. Argh. I knw that I need food to survive and all, but these last couple of years I feel like everytime I put food in my mouth I'm going to gain a bunch of weight. Have u ever thought about a certain food i.e pizza, a sandwhich, a bowl of cereal, soup, anything....thought about and about it and about it, like all day, and u wouldn't be satisfied (sp?) until u finally had it??? I get that quite a bit. It's like my stupid head wn't shut up about it until I eat it. Then when I do, I just feel so stupid. Like I cn't even control what I eat. My stomach starts to feel unfortable. I have that feeling now. I just feel sooooo guilty about eating. Money is tight in my household, food is limited. If I do eat, I feel guilty about it b/c someone else could have eaten it. I would rather everyone else ate. On a different note, my mom's birthday is today. I got her a card and a cake. Her mom and dad and my lil sister Jenn are comming over in the later AM. I'm trying to get a second job. I hope that things work out. It will suck a little cuz who knws when I'll ever get a chance to sleep. If other ppl can work two jobs, why cn't I? I need the money. It's not like I'm gonna do it forever. Still haven't started my period. Well, that about wraps it up. Thanks for listening. TTYL.