NitaSue62's Journal

What made/makes me think that i can be in a relationship with a man? This was stupid, so very stupid, this decision i made to go out with Ernie. I told him from the very beginning about the illnesses that i have, and he told me he'd be supportive. He was at first....probably b/c of the newness of the relationship....now that has faded. He's seen what happens when i get depressed and suicidal-i usually end up in the hospital. yeah, i know that's not exciting and fun, however, sometimes that's what happens.

  I asked him why he just quit calling me..."i dunno" he said. I asked him why he doesn't return the calls i make-"i dunno"....

  So, i called him earlier...he was busy and said he'd call back, which he did. i told him to not say he'd call back if he wasn't really wanting to. i'm tired of the bullshit. hell, if you don't want to be with me or call me, fucking tell me so.

  When he called me back, he was giving me one word answers. then i heard other guys' voices in the background. he says "So, what are you gonna do, just sit around all day?" I said that i was doing the best i can, at the moment, and i asked him to call me back when he could be polite instead of talking to me as if he were a 16 yr old-i hate it when men don't/can't talk nicely when they are with friends. it's so damned juvenile.

   I don't even know why i'm trying to be someone's girlfriend. The depression drives them away and i know that already.

  Men want someone who's beautiful, sexy, makes good money, has no problems and blah, blah, blah.

   Today my attitude is "Fuck men, fuck me, fuck my life."