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Well today didn't start out too well at first. Husband called me this morning at work and said he was coming to drop some money off (its about time). Anyways, I started in on him on the phone and when he got to my work about how I feel he has abandoned the house and responsibilities and how I don't know where he is staying and how can anyone get in contact with him if there's an emergency when he doesn't answer his phone or listen to voice mails. I asked him if he wanted a divorce and he said he didn't know at this point. Well that conversation didn't end so well, we both ended up angry. I did talk to him a couple more times later in the day and those conversations went a little smoother. We didn't argue about anything. I didn't get the responses I wanted for some of my comments or questions but at least we talked without fighting. He did tell me that he still has a lot of feelings for me but that he's not happy with our life anymore. but yet he doesn't know what would make him happy. We talked again about 2 hours ago for about an hour. I tried not to bring up us getting back together. We did agree on couple of things about mistakes we both have made and the fact that with financial problems and other stress factors over the last three years that we lost sight of what was important and that was each other and our love. I know that I still love him but I'm not sure if he knows what he's feeling anymore. It just seems like he has stopped caring about life in general. I really wish he would see a therapist but he refuses. Male pride I guess. So apparently in a man's eyes its better to leave your wife and home then to figure out the real root of the problem. I asked him about coming home and he said he's not comfortable with that idea yet. WHATEVER!!
Anyways I am going to try my hardest not to keep pressuring him cause I don't want to push him further away. I just wish he would look deep in his heart and soul and hopefully find the love he once had. I did tell him that I wanted us to try one more time because I'm afraid if we don't at least try one or both of us may have regrets later if we make the wrong choice and stay apart. So I am hoping that he will at least think about some of the things I said today. I just don't know how much longer I can wait
