lisalynn1111's Journal

I am writing tonight in the hopes that if something happens to me one day, the police will know to look to my husband. 

Tonight was one of the worst times it has been with him drinking.  I was in bed almost asleep and he came home and started in on me.  Accusing me of things I didn't do, Calling me names, breaking things, etc.  Then he started shoving me around demanding I give him money ( I don't have any to give). I grabbed the phone and said I was calling the cops if he didn't leave.  He fought me for the phone and then threw it at my shin.  I decided then that I needed to get out of the house so I got dressed, grabbed my purse and tried to leave so he blocked the doorway and wouldn't let me past him.  He kept pushing me into the wall telling me I wasn't going anywhere unless I gave him money. I tried to fight him off and he threw me on the floor and got on top of me and hit me in the back and arm and kept pushing me harder into the ground. By this time I was yelling for help at the top of my lungs but apparently the neighbors don't give a shit.  When I was finally able to get up he shoved me into the wall again.  I got a hold of my cell phone and called 911, told the operator I need the cops and gave them my address but my husband then grabbed that phone from me and hung it up.  Apparently the cops don't care either because they never showed up.  My husband thinking that the cops would show up left the house, thank goodness.  I called the cops on him once before when it wasn't as bad as tonight and they told him the next time he would go to jail.  He has been verbally abusive and threatening for the last year and it just gets worse.  When he's drunk he turns into some psycho person that I don't recognize and half the time he doesn't even remember the fights we have but I do remember and it hurts deep inside.  I wonder why God won't give me a way out.  I have nowhere to go at this point and no money and lots of bills.  I feel my only way out will be to file bankruptcy and let my house go into foreclosure which I hate to do but I don't know of any other way. I am dealing with other issues in my life right now which is not helping my stress level any.  Sometimes I feel like driving my car into a brick wall.