painfullylost's Journal

The last week has been pretty good.  My middle kiddo turned 17 on Tuesday.  Where does the time go!  He's on the basketball team so presents were easy.  Pistons!  Pistons!  Pistons!  My daughter and her husband came over and we had a wonderful evening of cake and ice cream.

The paperwork stuff is getting frustrating.  The new program my H is in won't let me near him except for visiting hours, so I am having a really hard time getting the court papers signed and notarized.  They won't let him leave to go anywhere, so how am I supposed to get a notary to stamp the papers?  The drama continues.

Had to deal with the deaths of two people I was once very close to.  One like a brother and one like a father.  When you have to leave one person, there are always so many others that you'd rather not leave behind.  But that's life.  I will miss them both very much.

That just seemed to add to my feelings of isolation.  I feel so alone right now.  It wasn't supposed to be like this!!  I am supposed to be enjoying the companionship and love of a husband.  Sharing plans for the family and for the future.  Looking forward to the holidays, vacations, family jokes.....  I feel like I've been robbed of the one thing that I have wanted since I was a little girl.  At times I am too sad to even be angry!!  I LOVE my kids and we have a great time together.  My H isn't their father, but we used to have alot of fun together.  Now they go to movies with their friends and shoot hoops at the neighbors.  My daughter and her husband have their life, although I talk to her at least once a day.  It's just lonely.

Enough of my whining.  I have to corral the boys into bed.  If they don't start getting back onto their school schedule, they are going to be in a lot of pain come the first day of school!!!