punkster's Journal

i stopped the add med on my own and yeah i can tell. went to group today and felt like crap i didnt sit i didnt do anything right. everything sucks at the moment. i got suicidal last week and im still dealing with that. no one knows in my family how bad it got. i went to library where my bad thoughts just erupted into actions. i shouldnt of even went into that room knowning that they were there. also i had delusions and hallucinations of things that week and god forbid they just stay away but no they dont they always come back. no one cares i would say that but they do in my family but i dont want them to know that this is happening again. i rather die then tell them. i mean how can i tell my sister "hey i just saw something move did you see it?" or say i really think they are coming to get me so i dont want to go there. doesnt work that way no it doesnt. i just dont get it, i dont want this anymore im sick of it im sick of telling my therapist what happens, him asking me did you cut, are the voices/seeing things worse this week, etc. its scary to me. he asked if i needed to be somewhere safe last time i saw him, i said no ill be fine, i wasnt fine, nor was i close to it but it worked out. im just done with it all

i passed my college algebra class with a C. woohooooooooo baby. i finally am a offical alumni of my university. i plan to get another bachelor just not yet, going to look for a job. yikes i so am fearful of finding a job. im doing pretty good at the moment.

well tomorrow is my last final for college life. im hoping i pass this final so i dont have to take another college algebra class again for the rest of my life! anyway my sister and her husband are doing so much better. they are in therapy for ind. and marriage so its a good thing right now. well im off, i really hate math btw so tomorrow will be great to know. nervous as hell.