OH YEAH. Totally forgot.... I had …
OH YEAH. Totally forgot.... I had sex with Neil... Did I mention that.. I want to have sex with everything. I keep …
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Ahh much better. I don't know what those mean. They don't mean anything. I just ramble on about nothing. Seriously.. I have books of this crap.. Just unedited quick typing thoughts I do at the computer. It's not meant to be good, and it's not meant to have any meaning.
I just feels so good to write because it takes my mind away from whatever I'm thinking.
Sooo. Hope everyone is having a great day. I just feel all wacked out today, as i'm sure you can tell.
I feel really ugly. I feel really fat. I feel all angry at myself. It passes, it always does, i'm just usally drunk. I'm not, so I have to go do things *grunts*.
I think i'm really mad because I had the most fucking aweful dreams last night. Neil's mom hates me so bad. She thinks i'm so fucking aweful. Neil and I use to date right. We've known eachother since I was 17. She wants 'progress reports' of me, and all this fucking stupid shit, and not because she 'cares' about me. She just wants the dirt. She doesn't even care if i'm 'healthy'. She thinks i'm a psycho.
It makes me SO fucking angry to think people are like this in the world. I am trying to be a better person. Neil was no knight in shinning armor, but I guess that doesn't matter. I guess it's just all me. I just do everything wrong then. I'm making such a big deal out of this (in my head only of course.)
He's in the middle of school exams, and he can't even live there anymore because of me. He stayed with me yesterday. I had the worst dreams ever. I know I have problems with alcohol and drugs, and I've COMPLETLY been open and honest about this, so how am I the shitty person. I am smart, fun, I have goals, I want to do things, and have shown I can, and I have been.
Why do I have to prove myself to that woman? It shouldn't even matter. This is very stressful. I felt like being very destructive today. I've been hurting myself all day. Thank God I have not drank. I went to the liqure cabinet once, I looked in it, but I closed it, and I went for a long walk.
I am just MAD. My mind is racing all over the place. I just want to punch everyone in the face. I don't even want to eat dinner. Do you know how hard it is for me to be sitting here, a fucking emotional wreck, fucking angry, but when my mom comes home and we eat dinner, I have to be 'normal'. I have to sit there and say how GREAT my day was. I just want to curl up in my room and be upset, but I can't do that or else everyone will start freaking out, thinking something is wrong with me. ARG.
Ok done for now. I will just keep going on and on and on about nothing.
I just feels so good to write because it takes my mind away from whatever I'm thinking.
Sooo. Hope everyone is having a great day. I just feel all wacked out today, as i'm sure you can tell.
I feel really ugly. I feel really fat. I feel all angry at myself. It passes, it always does, i'm just usally drunk. I'm not, so I have to go do things *grunts*.
I think i'm really mad because I had the most fucking aweful dreams last night. Neil's mom hates me so bad. She thinks i'm so fucking aweful. Neil and I use to date right. We've known eachother since I was 17. She wants 'progress reports' of me, and all this fucking stupid shit, and not because she 'cares' about me. She just wants the dirt. She doesn't even care if i'm 'healthy'. She thinks i'm a psycho.
It makes me SO fucking angry to think people are like this in the world. I am trying to be a better person. Neil was no knight in shinning armor, but I guess that doesn't matter. I guess it's just all me. I just do everything wrong then. I'm making such a big deal out of this (in my head only of course.)
He's in the middle of school exams, and he can't even live there anymore because of me. He stayed with me yesterday. I had the worst dreams ever. I know I have problems with alcohol and drugs, and I've COMPLETLY been open and honest about this, so how am I the shitty person. I am smart, fun, I have goals, I want to do things, and have shown I can, and I have been.
Why do I have to prove myself to that woman? It shouldn't even matter. This is very stressful. I felt like being very destructive today. I've been hurting myself all day. Thank God I have not drank. I went to the liqure cabinet once, I looked in it, but I closed it, and I went for a long walk.
I am just MAD. My mind is racing all over the place. I just want to punch everyone in the face. I don't even want to eat dinner. Do you know how hard it is for me to be sitting here, a fucking emotional wreck, fucking angry, but when my mom comes home and we eat dinner, I have to be 'normal'. I have to sit there and say how GREAT my day was. I just want to curl up in my room and be upset, but I can't do that or else everyone will start freaking out, thinking something is wrong with me. ARG.
Ok done for now. I will just keep going on and on and on about nothing.
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well maybe u and neil should get married...his mom already doesnt like u and u dont sound like u like her...so she will make the perfect mother in law since u r supposed to hate them!!
missyS
i know exactly how u feel with mothers inlaws. it fucking sux doesnt it, ive improved myself too and been nice etc, but its not good enougfh they have 2 make things harder for our relationships dont they! im with u on this one nina, just forget about the ignorent bitches i think even tho it still hurts.. take care im thinkin' of ya lotsa luv'n'hugs Sapphira x0x0x0
safstar83
Girl I understand completely how you feel. I've been feeling like that for the last few days. Like I wanna beat everyone's ass, all the time, lol. And your right, you don't have to prove anything to Neil's mom. She sounds like the type of person that nothing will ever make her happy so don't even try. Just go on living your life, and let her do the same. I know that's easier said than done..believe me. I have family members that sound just like her. But your an awesome person and the fact that you've been so open about everything makes you even more awesome.
BettieChick