hoopigapi's Journal

Well, up most of the night talking,arguing and asking questions. I believe I finally know the bulk of the truth. Now I know why I had to ask the questions, I actually feel like I can stop having those questions go around in my head. There is some sort of peace in my mind now. He said he knows it was a mistake and that I am a better woman than she is.He tried to justify it and kept bringing up things that I did, but I kept telling him that he could not blame me for this. He told me that they hadn't been getting along that well lately, she seems to be a pretty sad, lonely little woman who needs mens attention.
I told him, "see, just because you are in shape and think you look so great doesn't make you happy and make your life perfect does it? There is a phrase that says It's what's on the inside that counts." Obviously I have proven myself to him and the whole family to be a strong woman with morals. I think God stepped in and brought him back because the last time he was with her they weren't getting along and it made him realize that he didn't want her anymore because she had jealousy and insecurity issues. 

I feel like now that it is all out in the open I can finally start to forgive.It will be alot harder to forgive a 10 month affair where he led a double life than it would have been to forgive a month long affair after we were separated, but I still love him and I believe he is sorry and still loves me. He has said that he wasn't thinking right when he started this affair...I told him I was glad he realized he wasn't thinking right because other wise he was just being an ass. I do believe he was depressed and followed the wrong path. I think he will feel guilty for a long time and he has alot of praying to do to get right with God. 

He went to church today with our oldest daughter.I could not bring myself to sit beside him in church again today, knowing what he did and that he was sitting beside me in church pretending to be a christian and carrying on a 10 month affair behind my back.He also sat in counseling with me and the pastor and knew he was having this affair. I guess I feel like he needs to be alone there to pray and confess to God on his own. I feel like right now this is between him and God and he has to go to God and face what he has done.