slikwolf's Journal

Tomorrow morning I have a long awaited appt. with my case worker from my 2yr old Mariela.  She and I are going to be coming up with a gameplan for me sometime this week to enter a longterm inpatient treatment center.  I can't wait.  How weird is that for me to be excited to finally go in.  This is a first, and hopefully one of the last.  Milionth and one time I'm entering a treatment center, but I'm also going in with an open mind this time too. Now, that certainly does mean a lot.  I'm sooo, damn tired of going in circles, dealing with Chris here at home isn't making things easier either. Even going to my meeting tomorrow, he's swearing that the "crackhead" in me is going to meet another man. How can he be so stupid to think that? I mean, Angelina(my worker) called me last week to arrange this.  I told him right away and I'm still getting this "your a liar" thing from him. I just don't get him at all anymore. He seems to be the one who's full of shit most of the time. It's like...the pot calling the kettle black, and it's just damn frustrating.  He's the only one in my life, in my whole 32 years that has pushed my buttons, to where I feel as if another nervous breakdown is coming on.  I've had many breakdowns with him so far, where I don't even remember what I do, or any of my actions during my craziness at that moment.  Now that's scary. Thank Goodness that the place im going to be going into also deals with my being Bi-polar.  I needed something like that too to monitor me.  I figure it this way though,  being away from him will definately make me strong again like I remember I used to be.  It's an amazing thing to me how one person can have this much effect on my mental state, where as before shit like he's said or done to me would have no after effects. First thing in one of my long term goals will be to fix this dang front tooth of mine.  Like i told my dad when it first happend..." Metal breaks teeth!" (due to a crackpipe) thrown at my face almost two and a half years ago.  My kids still are having a tough time getting used to me with it cracked. I joked around with my worker a ways back telling her upon me getting it fixed I'm going to have the dentist put in a diamond chip in it to remind me of all the years of crap.  I thought twice about tht, and now I only want to repair it. lol