cometdoc's Journal

Many of you asked where I have been?  I have been on another planet doing my own thing.  No offense, but frankly this is easier than writing it 100 times.  Most tof you know by previous entries I took a new job so we have moved.  Working for the school, I have had to move work and home, and apparently aquired too much crap.  So moving has been a week long process.  I didn't even realize I had so much in my classroom.  So that has been crazy, not to mention I found the crazy people in my small town I now call home, they live next door. 

On a sad note, my sister-n-law passed last week.  Granted we were not close, but the twist is she is my daughter's biological mother.  My husband and his family do NOT speak, well not in about 8 years.  So when the funeral was brought up I took a deep breath, put on my peace-maker badge and saddled up.  My family is very important to me, and I want it to be a pleasant experience for my husband too.  Not that funerals are, but really should make the best of it.  This may be the last time he sees some of them.  I am over and past all the torture they put me through, the accusation, the names, just down right mean crap.  My husband on the other hand only has one bridge for each person and once it is burned there is NO rebuilding.  The sad thing is my SIL was in so much pain dying for the last 8 years in a home.  Not to mention the home let her choke to death.  Yes she had less then 6 months to live, but 6 months is still 6 months.  I guess the only good that came out of this accident is she is in no more pain.  I have never been her biggest fan, I tried to help when I could I even went and stayed at the hospital while she gave birth to one of her other children b/c their was no one else and she would be all alone.  I just want to snatch up all her children and raise all of them as my oen and give them the life she wants them to have and they deserve.  I want her to look down from the heavens and smile knowing she played such a role from back stage and she got it right.  Even if her children are all somewhere else, it is still a better and loving life than she was able to provide ill. 

She was sick.  Her father, aunt, uncle  all died of the the same disease.  And the top it off my daughter and husband could be carrying the disease  for all we know, so I guess they will be getting tested it for it..  Parents have a 50% chance of passing it on to their offspring, which my daughter was hers, and my husband's dad had it.  My husband did not shed one tear for his family after all this time the scars have not healed for him.  This woman was 31 years old.  She looked 50 and nothing like her.  The family asked for money so of course I dipped into savings.  I am trying to rebuild the bridge of our 2 families.  My daughter had a chance to meet her sister and 2 brothers.  They all live with their biological father, I dare him to try and attempt to get MY daughter the one he sined rights over to.  He asked to see her and then chicken crap was too scared to say anything to me or her.  Of course I have whipped on his butt before and he has felt my wrath.  I just want live in Mayberry with a white picket fence be happy.  But since I do live here on Earth I don't see that happening.  I had to miss saying good bye to my students so I am left with a hole in my heart for those precious babies.  I also had to leave my collegues farewell, whom just love most of the time.  I sometime just don't think I can tell another person bye right now, especially since I moved away from my previous life to start a new one.  In all my stages of life I have never been very mushing or even cry, and even know I shed not one tear just sit wondering where all the hellos are to fill up all the empty good byes and sense of loss.  I feel like I am in space stranded and looking around for life. 

Kuddos if you are still reading all my whining.