sunny34695's Journal

I want to apologize to anyone who saw my journals yesterday.  I've deleted them.  I was in a bad way. Mentally....  worked my anger off in the garden, listening to LOUD music on my ipod.  I don't know why I get in those bad funks.  Started reading Montel williams book.  I think it's gonna be good.  Glad he detoured from the "all raw" diet.  I've seen those and know I couldn't do it.  I will for sure try alot more raw, fresh stuff though.  Fish tonight for dinner.  It's lent so no meat.  Day is ok so far.  Made my son breakfast and lunch and he's off to work.  My older son picks him up.  I love that they work together.  I hope and pray today is better than yesterday.  and I hope everyone here has a great day. 

tomorrow is the 3rd anniversary of my dads death. Man I miss him and my mom so much it hurts!  Moms 4th anniversary of death is in May.  I was with her for a month before watching her die.  Was glad I had the time with her.  I didn't watch my dad die.  I couldn't go through it again.  My poor sisters were with him though.  I saw pics and couldn't stand how tiny and sick he looked.  I don't really have closure with him.  We were closer than anyone.... couldn't say goodbye to my pop.  So how do I find closure?  I don't think I can let him go.  or my momma, she was my best friend.    I have a little shrine of sorts for them, with pictures of us together and the religious statues that they used to keep in their living room.  I talk to them every day.  It helps.  sometimes I cry, but alot I laugh and talk to them.  my sisters are having masses said for them.  dads is tomorrow.