jamie30's Journal

I've been having panic attacks for about 2 years now.

My first one was a real DOOZY.  My husband and I were on our way out to dinner and as we arrived at the restaurant I was not feeling well. My heart was pounding, and I was afraid for no good reason.  I refused to get out of the car. He knew something was wrong.

It quickly escalated - dizzy, hyperventalation, the numbness started in my hands and feet and spread throughout my whole body, even my face!  I became terrified at this point and was wailing (I don't usually cry) and was certain I was dying.  I demanded to be taken to the  E.R. where my chest was burning so bad that I was lying on the floor.

Still wailing and complaining of chest pain, I was finally seen and was told I suffered a panic attack. They gave me an Ativan injection and sent me on my way.

Before being diagnosed with Panic Disorder, I saw countless doctors. I just knew something was terribly wrong with me, that I had some sort of rare disease that no one would catch in time. I was sick all the time.  I felt that my doctors didn't believe me, that I was looking for attention or something. I just wasn't seeking help from the right place.

I started seeing a psychiatrist shortly after and have tried many different medications.

The only thing that seems to work for me is Klonopin (clonazepam).  I tried Effexor ER for THREE days and it caused me to have a major seizure on my kitchen floor. Imagine what that did for my anxiety!!

So, now I am afraid of most medications - except the tried and true. I refuse to take any new on the market meds as I don't trust them at all.

My anxiety keeps me awake some nights fearful that if I go to sleep, I won't wake up.

I am blessed to have a husband who is supportive and tries to comfort me the best he can....but if you've never experienced a panic attack, it's impossible to really comprehend.

I am doing much better on the whole, but I have some bad days...like today. I'm writing this at 2 a.m.   My psychiatrist tells me there will eventually be a time when panic attacks seem like they happened in a past life, but for now I feel held prisoner by my own fears.