Saleen's Journal

I guess I should start this off by telling a bit about myself, and why I am here.

 In April 2000, I met my other half.  Gary.  We were so alike in so many ways, even though we had grown up hundreds of miles apart.  I often said we were two sides of the same nickel.  Our relationship was like something out of a romance novel.  We met online in an msn chat room, and while I almost gave him the bums rush before I got to know him, I am grateful I didn't.  About 2 weeks later, he came up to visit me, and we fell in love.  Neither of us had planned on that happening...we had only wanted to be friends, but when your heart knows, you'd just best hang on tight and enjoy the ride.

While I was still married to my former husband when we met, we planned our wedding for soon after my divorce was final, and spoke our vows on June 30th, 2001, standing in the middle of a beautifully architeched stone bridge, before a lovely waterfall in a park.  This was truely the wedding of my dreams.

 We had set up house in Bellingham, Wa., and a year later moved to Maple Falls, where we purchased a house.  We lived there happily for 2 years, but because the economic picture grew steadily worse in the area, as well as my youngest daughters failing health, we decided to move elsewhere, where there was a good job, and the opportunity for my daughter's health to improve.  She has severe asthma, and moving to the desert area where we now live has done her a world of good.

 Gary came down ahead of us, and got a job doing security while waiting for his application at the Depot...the Umatilla Chemical Depot...to be processed.  He also applied at the prison and when given a choice between the two jobs, decided to take the one at the depot.  I believed it would be 'safer.'  What a joke that turned out to be.

In January 2005, Gary started work at the Depot as a Federal Officer.  It was a job I was proud of him for doing.  He looked so handsome in his uniform.  I believed our life was perfect, because things were finally starting to look up for us.  Over the course of our few short years, so much had gone wrong for us...me, getting sick because of a medication I was given and didn't know I was allergic to.  It made me extremely anxious and suicidal, and believe me, I was also gripped with enormous guilt because of this...after all, who expects their new bride to try and off herself?  Then my mother passed away.  Of course, finding out that she was in the process of writing me out of her will at the time she died didn't do my anxieties any good, either.  Then Gary kept getting fired from his jobs for stupid reasons.  Reasons that were not his fault.  Example...with one job, security for a camp ground, his boss was afraid that the owners might view his security measures as lax compared to Gary's, and so latched onto Gary not following orders and firing him, fearing that he himself would loose his job if it were discovered that Gary was doing a better job.  Of course, being fired for such a reason, Gary was initially denied unemployment, but upon appealing that decision, and showing the true reason why he was fired, it was deemed that his boss had no real reason to fire him, save for his own insecurities in his job, and Gary was awarded his back unemployment.  This sort of thing happened twice within 2 months!  Both times, the firing was deemed unjustified, and Gary was awarded his UI benefits.  Then of course, Morgan, my youngest daughter got very sick with her asthma and we feared for her life, so when we decided to move, it was for her benefit, as well as the opportunity to have a good paying job.

 So, Gary started work at the depot, and for me, things calmed down conciderably.  For the first time in years, I was actually able to start relaxing in my own home.  I hadnt taken the medication that caused all my problems for over 3 years and I foolishly believed I might be getting better.  Foolishly, because less than a month after Gary started at the depot, I spent an afternoon in total fear.  I hadn't had an episode like that in years, and I remember screaming "they're coming!"  "They're coming!!"  I knew exactly who 'they' were, too.  Funny, but two days later, my prediction came true.  It was Gary's day off, and we were lazing in bed, when someone knocked at the door.  I opened it to see a woman and a state police officer there.  They said they were there to talk to me and Gary, because Gary was under suspition for a crime...one he didn't commit...and accused of by his own brother!

 It felt like my world was collapsing around me.  I knew, and had absolutely no doubts that Gary was innocent, and while it didn't happen that day, they eventually made Gary and me split up for a few months.  It was not our wishes...we wanted to be together, but they said Gary and I weren't allowed to live together.  Fortunately, Gary's bosses were understanding and said that unless he was actually charged with the crime, he would not lose his job, since he was honest with them about what happened.  This did put a big financial strain on us, though, and we knew we needed money...lot of it, to pay for his defense should he be charged, so I contacted our tenants, since we still owned the house in Maple Falls, and asked them to start work on purchasing the house.  They didn't like our reasons for wanting to push up the contract end date (we had an RTO agreement with them, as they wanted to purchase the house, anyways) and instead quit paying on the rent, and did some $8000 in damages before moving out, leaving us even more strapped than before.  Gary took on all the overtime he could get to pay both mortgages, but he was getting very tired, very quickly, and fortunately it was because of the financial hardship that they allowed Gary to move back in with me, and then we were able to get new tenants for the house, with another RTO contract.

Things calmed down after that, and we started working towards making our own business since we knew the job at the depot would not last forever.  Word was it had less than 5 years before it would be permenantly shut down.  We loved the area we lived in, and didn't want to leave it, so we looked for opportunties which would allow us to work together and stay here.  We finally hit upon a t-shirt printing business, which we started out of our living room.  It grew, too, and by early 2007, with only 3 years left before the depot was scheduled to close we started looking for 'office space' and found the shop I am now sitting in. 

It was at this time, more bad luck...if you could call it that, befell us.  Our tenants accidently burned down our house, and while the insurance paid off most of the mortgage, we had to sell the property to finish paying it off.  Fortunately, that left us a bit of money to do things like pay off our car, and take a short vacation to Louisiana in April.  The rest we used, along with a loan for $2000 to set up shop, buying equipment and T-Shirts.

We rented our office in mid May, and in Mid June we opened our doors to the public.  Gary worked on getting orders and being the unofficial sales-man for the office, while still working at the depot, while I did the work of designing and printing the t-shirts.

All this time, I was still occassionally having problems with my anxiety.  So much so, that my doctor ordered that I never be left alone, and sent a note to the depot stating such to Gary's superiors.  They ignored it.

A week after opening, even though it was Sunday...my day off, I got extremely anxious for some reason.  I still don't know why.  I tried to call Gary on his cell, only to find out he left it at home, then tried to contact him at the depot, only to be told that they would not try to contact him because it was shift change and they didnt have "time."  Fortunately for me, instead of heading straight home, as Gary was normally apt to do, he came to the office an found me there, in hysterics.  I told him what had happend and he called the depot and chewed them out for not contacting him when I had called.  He even let his boss listen to the voicemail I had left for him on his cell, before I knew he had left it at home, confirming that I needed him desperately.  They realized they had screwed up....badly!

Gary told me many times, that I was the most important thing to him, even above his job at the depot, and it didn't matter to him how much trouble he got in, if I needed him, I came first, and he would be there for me.

Two weeks later, the summer heat was in full bloom, and our air conditioner at home didn't work, making our home often stifling.  This night, Gary decided he wanted to sleep at our office and tried to convince me to come with him, but I was already asleep and didn't want to go.  I also told him someone needed to be home for the kids, so he went without me.  When I got up a few hours later for work, I wished I had gone and had time to convince him to play hookey that day. 

When I got to my office, I felt this uncontrollable desire to call him, but then I discovered he had forgotten his cell at the office, so I never called.  Almost 3 hours later, I got a call from the depot.  They told me that Gary had collapsed and was being taken to the hospital.  I quickly closed up shop, and drove as fast as I could to the hospital, half expecting him to be sitting on the bed in ER teasing the nurses (he was an awful tease, but it was always meant in fun, and there was nothing sexual about his teasing).  I was about 2 miles from the hospital when I heard a voice say it was too late...that Gary was already dead.  That was at roughly 12:55 pm...give or take.  I refused to believe it.

I arrived at the hospital and was pulling into the emergency parking lot, and saw the ambulance still there.  I looked inside and saw two men.  One was the paramedic, and he was straightening up the ambulance.  The other was Gary, sitting up on the bed and smiling.  I quickly parked my car and ran over to the ambulance and looked inside, again, but now there were two paramedics prepping the ambulance for its next call, and Gary was gone.  I turned and asked the men in front of the ambulance where Gary was, and they looked at me with blank expressions...two of them from the depot.

At that moment, a short fat man, who was huffing and puffing as he walked, came out the ER doors and asked if I was Gary's wife.  I said yes.  He then told me that Gary was gone.  I demanded to see Gary and the ER doc came to me and told me how they had done everything they could to save Gary but it was just no use.  They led me into a cubical and let me sit with Gary.  I held his hand, and never wanted to let go.  The man, who told me his name was James Heffelfinger, noticed I was diabetic and wanted to know how my sugars were.  I absently told him that I hadn't eaten lunch yet, so he ordered me a sandwich and something to drink.  He also lent me his cell so I could call Gary's mother.  It was so hard telling her that her son was dead.  No easier telling Gary's father, either.

 They let me sit with Gary for probably close to two hours, until the mortuary guys arrived to take Gary away.  I didn't want them to take him, and I didn't want to leave Gary.  This was all I had left.

After they got me out of the room, Heffelfinger rode with me to the depot to pick up Gary's car, and when I asked him what happened, he told me that Gary had been sitting at a desk working when he suddenly collapsed and they didn't know why.  It wasn't until sometime later that bits and pieces of the truth started coming together.

The first piece came three days later.  The depot, to honor one of their own, held a flag ceremony for Gary, and at the end, I was presented with that flag.  It is one of my most treasured possessions.  After the ceremony, we were taken to the casualty coordinator's office where we asked more questions about what happened.  The CC stated that Gary was alone when he collapsed, but not alone very long.  I asked how they could know he hadn't been alone, but even though she never really answered the question, she kept trying to assure me he wasn't alone very long.

Three days after that, we held a memorial service for Gary at the local marina.  Everyone was invited, including those from the depot who knew him.  It was there, that a woman who was with Gary came forward and told me that she was told by the CC she was not to talk to me or attend the memorial, but that she had to tell me what happened.  She told me about the exercise earlier that day, and how she was with Gary when he collapsed.  I was still in much of a fog about what was going on and it took some time before what she told me started to sink in.

It was later, when talking with a doctor, I learned that Gary suffered from classic SCA (Sudden Cardiac Arrest) and in talking to the Union President about what happened, more information came to light.  Like, that prior to Gary's death...for several months before his death, the safety committee had been asking the Army to place an AED in the very building where Gary collapsed.  Had the Army done this prior to Gary's collapse, he might still be with us today. 

I also found out that the acting director of security, who at that time was the deputy director had been warned that morning that weather conditions were too hot for the type of exercise that he wanted done.  The Sergent that told him that threatened to quit if he continued to demand the exercise be done, but the DD said, no...we won't accept your resignation, and sent him home for the day, then proceeded to still order the exercise, with the officers in full battle gear - kevlar vests and helmets; tactical vests and carrying both m-16s and 9mm pistols as well as amunition, and running up and down igloos (where chemical weapons are stored) in 90+ (dry) heat.

When the exercise was over, Gary was sweating profusely and complaining of being tired.  These symptoms of heat exhaustion were ignored and he was sent up to the blocks to rest and relax.  He should have been sent, then and there to the ER. 

Of course, the Army didn't want me to know any of this, because they claimed to Federal Compo that they didn't know why Gary collapsed!  They even demanded that the officers who were with Gary lie on their IG (Inspector General) reports about the events that day....a federal offense!!

 It took a bit more research to put the pieces together to discover that the arrhythmia that caused Gary's collapse was brought on by heat exhaustion, which, since it was not treated, developed into heat stroke.  My research also showed that had they administered an AED within 6 mintues of his collapse, he might still be alive, but then that is where they made their fatal mistake. 

Gary was in a building less than half a mile from the demil site, which had a doctor on staff 24/7, and even though that doctor was requested by those who were treating Gary, knowing it was his only hope of survival, the Army dispatch denied the request and said they could wait for the ambulance to arrive from admin...a distance of over 3 miles, and took them at least 8 minutes to arrive at the building where Gary had collapsed.

The final straw came when I learned that the man who had been weazing and was so solicitous to me at the hospital....James Heffelfinger...was actually the Deputy Director...the very same man who had sent my husband to his DEATH!

Now, I fight for my rights, as I know Gary would want me to.  He told me as much sometime before he died.  I fight to make the Army and Depot take responsibility for the loss they inflicted on me...a loss they could have prevented, were they not so greedy for promotion and stingy with their wallets!  I fight to expose the lies the Army and Depot have tried to feed me since the day my beloved husband died.  To make them pay for what they stole from me, as if a few dollars could ever do that.

I was talking to a woman who lost her husband in the middle east, not long ago.  Like my Gary, her husband was a gov't contractor, and I was telling her how I wanted to change things for widows, because of the rules deemed by Federal Compo (when I win my case, I am bound by certain rules...If I marry before I am 60, then I will lose my entitlement, and be given a settlement of 2 years worth of payments - equal to what Gary would have earned in 1 year, without overtime.  If I remain single or marry after I turn 60, the payments will continue for life).  I told her it wasn't fair to first take my husband from me, then prevent me from having happiness in my life if I should eventually find someone else, by stopping my payments, and she told me that because our husbands were gov't employees, even if they weren't military, they went into their jobs knowing they could die, and both they, and we accepted that knowledge when they were hired, and basically that I had nothing to complain about.  She implied that if I needed more money to survive on after I got my settlement, whether it be the monthly allotment or the payout (after remarrying) I could go out and get a job.  I think she missed the point.

I know my husband's job was dangerous.  I know an accident could have happened at the depot and he could be killed by sarin gas or one of the other deadly chemicals they had/have stored there.  I knew that, and she's right...I accepted that when he was hired. 

But Gary's death was not caused by chemicals.  It wasn't even caused by a car accident.  It was caused by the negligence of his superiors, and the greed of the company (in this case, the army) that he worked for.  His death could have been prevented many times over, but they did less than nothing to prevent it, and if this had happened in the 'real world' I would be compensated justly, not with a few paltry dollars (In 8 years, I will be forced to live on the equivalant of 50% of his monthly salary...about $1250/month.  Might sound like a lot, but when you consider I have a mortgage to pay, as well as medical, because I have heart trouble and diabetes, in addition to my anxiety, and take each day 11 different medications...how much is left for things like groceries after the mortgage is paid, the medical and prescriptions are paid, insurance, phone, electricity, and TAXES...all the neccessities of life, are paid?  I shouldn't have to live my life like that...NOBODY SHOULD.

Well, that is enough for now.  Thank you for reading.