haylz's Journal

hey so its been ages since ive written in my journal....had a pretty bad patch, was under 24/7 watch for a lil bit....tryed to jump off a balconie....and repeatedly had to get things taken off from around my neck.....mmm yea....anyhoo thats why i havnt been journaling in soo long. Im really really missing home, im going back this week....i have holidays till early may....got a big test on tuesday though...which im telling myself im gunna pass....been studying pretty much 24/7 the past few days...:S....so hopefully itl go ok. p.s....rachel-you can do it :D....lol....o yes....rach is one awesome chick, thanks for our lil chats rach....its so good not to be the only one in this boat on our course!! i left my job at the cafe and starting  a new job at a church as childrens co-ordinator. hope that its a fun job....sounds like it though...its my dream job i think.

man today has been soo hard.im ready to pack it all in and ditch life, all the crap i have been avoiding and didnt want to face, keeps coming up in random deep n meaningfuls i keep gettin myself into with some mates......its making me face alsort of stuff i was avoiding and my course is sooooo hard most days, i have come to the conclusion that it rips ya apart, takes out the bad but at the same time it hurts like heck, then it slowly puts you together again. im at the point where its ripped me apart and is now tryna take out the bad stuff but man it hurts like crazy, i'm glad its hapning but at the same time im as scared as hell cuz being "free" is a whole new concept to me....my whole life has been pain after pain and now facing that pain and reaching my dreams is all ive ever wanted but ive never felt in so much pain emotionally.....im stuck in a rut!!

man this journal entry is messed up....

can i give up yet?i keep plotting my plan for ditching life....its scary but it seems like my only way out!! i dont know what to do anymore.