Audrey1's Journal

Feeling pretty good again today. I am getting little bits and pieces of myself back every day. BUT I also noticed that those bits and pieces aren't always good ones. I started to feel tempted my a guy I used to see ... and it reminded me of how I used to be. I went through a bad phase where I would do anything for attention - and he was the first man I cheated on my husband with. We have talked on the phone once every couple of months, but I have refused to see him for the last year and a half. Now he's asking again for me to go out with him. I know what he wants, it's purely a sex thing with him. And I'm not interested at all! I have changed so much and it's amazing to me how much stronger I am now than I was then. But it's also amazing to me how the temptation is still lingering, just a little bit, to just say yes, even though I know I don't want to go down that path again. It's an addiction, like all the others. And in addition to being prone to addictive behavior, I've got that damned curse of wanting to be loved so badly that I'll destroy myself to get it. But I know this isn't anything to do with love. It's not even attention that I need. I'm content with myself, with my new friend, with my life as it has changed and as it is progressing. I just hate the the temptation is even there a little bit. I'm going to have to pray for the strength to just say no and avoid him at all costs.

That aside, I have to work tonight and tomorrow. I have one blessed day off on Sunday and I am so looking forward to doing something relaxing. :)