sgtdevsgirl's Journal

Journal Entry for June 8, 2008 Mood

Sunday, June 8, 2008

I'm feeling very....pregnant, the last day or two. Always just this side of weepy. I miss the family that no longer wants me and the baby girl that I lost to The Monster. I miss her so much. I miss my mom. I want to talk to Devon, but everytime I try he feels so responsible for everything that's happened. Why does everyone keep asking me if I knew what I was getting into with him?? Who does??? Who would ever dare risk a relationship with someone if they knew in advance how hard it might be? Did I know...no, I guess I didn't. Does it matter...not really. I love him...he loves me...we love our children. End of story. that doesn't mean that I don't hurt for what I've lost. His son is with us for the summer, and I'm sorry but it just sucks. I hate it. I resent having to take care of everything while Devon sleeps all day. I resent caring for a child that doesn't listen to anything I say and is so blatantly disrespectful to me and our household. This afternoon, we went to a festival here in town. It was a constant stream of rude behavior, and it embarasses me to no end to have people think that he's my child. If he WAS my child, he wouldn't behave that way. Period. On our way back to the truck, he was pissed off and walking behind me. He kicked about a three inch rock at me! I had on flip flops, and the damn thing caught me right on the bone of my ankle---it STILL hurts, and now my ankle is all bruised. I got all bent over it, and THEN about ten yards down the walk he did it AGAIN(missing me this time.) Like I said, if he was my child, that would NOT have happened. Devon acted like I over-reacted and was making all these jokes about it, so in turn his kid thought it was a big joke. I guarentee that if it had been HIM that nailed with a friggin' boulder, he wouldn't have been laughing. There's going to have to be massive changes if he's staying here this summer. Period. I know that Devon has good intentions of miraculous change and helping, but it just never seems to happen.

Hug sgtde...

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Comments

I hope things get better soon.
love ya
debbie

ncnurse
Honey you can not allow this behavior to continue. D needs to talk to his son and let him know that you may not be his mother, but you are an authority figure and the will be consequences for his crappy disrespectful behavior!!!
luvz
jenn

CoachDiva
Wow girl.. Sounds like devon needs to step it up. You guy sare bringing another lil one into the world he needs to drop those balls and be a dad. Not a big kid. I can't believe he laughed and joked about his kid kickin a rock at you meanwhile it was an obvious tantrum because he didnt get his way! Sounds like you and Devon need to do some serious talking about this kinda thing!

MediokerKate
There's a really good book I found alittle too late for my kids, called "Parenting With Love and Logic" by Dr. Foster Cline, and anoter person, I can't remember his name. Actually, I think the basic principles in the book are very good for any kind of a relationship. Another one is called "Boundaries" by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend. I don't remember if I've already told you about either one, but they are both a couple of my very favorite books. Actually helpful!!!

starfish
I'm sure it's hard being a Step-Mom. Everyone has their own problems, no one is perfect...there will always be some sort of struggle in a relationship.

Try to relax...too much stress isn't good for the lil baby in the oven! BTW...when is your due date?

TLCDaisy