jbmany's Journal

Journal Entry for February 10, 2008 Mood

Sunday, February 10, 2008

Almost 4 months now - NC. The acute pain is less - the internal screaming and wrenching of every organ subsiding somewhat. But the sadness deepens each day I exist without knowing how you are doing. Each day that I survive and feel you don't care or know if I made it or not. Even the slightest acknowledgement of my pain and feelings of betrayal/abandonment and I am back to imagining what you both must be going through. I am so deeply sorry for all this pain. Wishing so much I could just fix it all somehow. But there is no going back now. Must only go forward. I have the easiest path I imagine - more guilt. Still - I cannot imagine how to move forward in life without you. Mixed emotions of missing you deeply knowing I must do what is right and best for me. The love we shared was real and healing. Hope I can use its transformative quality to heal not only myself, but also others. Hoping you can draw from it as well and use it to heal and transform the pain in your family. Maybe then it won't have been so wasteful.

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Comments

You really need to get a life outside of thinking about the other man!

Aprilfool2007
You seem like such a wise and insightful woman. You have given me so much sympathy for the other side of this although I don't think the OW in my case was anything like you. You deserve so much better than what you are going through. Believe in your heart that there is a wonderful man out there who will fully love and appreciate you if that is what you want.

You did such a good and noble thing by stepping back from the relationship and letting them work it out. The OW in my case offered, but never followed through. It was just hollow words to make my H feel she was such a good person. You should be proud of yourself for doing the right thing.

amithatstupid